Family and Friendship

It Takes a Village

Backstory

In my youth, the whole town seemed to participate in my development. Today, parenting is much more private. This story is about a few different approaches.

Takes a Village

A friend and I were agreeing that it takes a village to raise a child; although that adage seemed to have more credence when we were growing up than it does today. The whole neighborhood watched out for kids back then.

Young boys caught in the act could expect a smack on the butt from whatever mother witnessed their misdemeanor. Story tellers gathered kids around bonfires, whether they were theirs by birth or not.

My friend endorsed a wide circle of adults in the lives of his children today too. He felt they would benefit from different points of view, different cultures, new ideas to explore, interacting with adults outside of the core family.

He cautioned, however, that he is careful about the people he brings into his children’s lives. He wants to make sure they are a good influence.

For instance, he befriends smokers outside his home, rather than supporting the habit under his roof. His wife insists that women visiting their home dress according to their moral standards.

They want to mold the world in which their children live. They filter the village of adults who will be in a position of influence. Their goal is to help the children develop into caring, knowing adults.

Think it will work?

P.S. Then there are the grandparents who wind up raising their grandkids. They usually don’t expect to have a second go-round. Parenting grandparents find help and guidance in GRAND, the lifestyle magazine for today’s grandparents living the ageful life. Their mission is to provide grandparents of all ages and in all stages of life, information and inspiration. Free subscription – https://www.grandmagazine.com/grandparents/

[Show #364]

Touching

Backstory

Just before sitting down to write some Consider This stories, I had been with someone who gave me a warm and hearty bear hug. It left me smiling, warm and fuzzy. I decided my first story would be about that kind of touching. So here it is.

Touching

Are you one of those people who touch other people? Some of us do it so naturally. Others would not think of making physical contact with someone they didn’t love or someone whose birth they had not spawned.

People love and need that human touch – holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back can create such warmth and nurturing.

The elderly in nursing homes respond so well to the visits of babies and young children they can hold. Some homes for the elderly have community pets. They find that even petting a responsive living being is therapeutic.

If you’re in the market for a new good deed, try reaching out and touching someone. Once the thought is in your head, you’ll be amazed at how many opportunities there are each day to convey this feeling of affection or caring.

The physical touch actually produces a positive sensation in pressure receptors in the skin. The result can be gentle, comforting, or quite loving.

Sometimes a response can be surprisingly emotional; especially when the touch or hug was badly needed.

In most cases, it’s OK to take a chance that your gentle touch will be welcome. The positive results are rewarding enough to overcome any occasional rejection.

P.S. Next best thing to touching, to convey empathy, is a compliment. Amazing how a minor tribute can change the direction of a bad day. What a pretty color on you . . . cool hat . . . adorable dog . . . great weather . . . See how easy?

[Show #368]

Quiet Time For Little Thinkers

Back Story

I love to listen to little ones talk. It may take them a bit to rev up, but then they’ll share opinions, advice, and observations. Spark their imagination, then sit back and enjoy. Imagine the benefit of specifically creating time and space for them to stop, think and consider.

Quiet Time for Little Thinkers

Children are thinkers. They’re forever fascinating us with the things they think they see or hear. They wrestle with right and wrong and how to handle situations even when they’re very young.

You serve them well by creating quiet time, when they can collect their thoughts, spend time composing questions, and asking you important things. Your responsibility at that time is to give them time to think. Don’t rush them. Open the space between you so they know they have your attention and you are willing to provide your time.

Use your own means of creating quiet time; at bedtime… when you’re in the car…or in a special quiet place that you go with no TV, no smartphone, and no video games. If you don’t have such a place, create it.

And if your children are fortunate enough to have grandparents in their lives, use that connection as a time for thinking and planning. The older generation may be in a better position to provide that quiet space that is so daunting to find in the busy lives of parents and their children.

It’s a golden value. Take advantage. Lessons learned at the knee of grandma or grandpa are not passé. They are as important today as they were when John Boy and his family got together. Make it happen.

P.S. Quiet space can be created anywhere. During bath time, bedtime tuck-in, pizza night. Being aware of the need is the first step. Focus on that and the where and how will present themselves, even with very busy schedules.

Show #495

Friends With Quirks

Backstory

Who is on your guest list for your July 4 picnic? Relatives? Friends? Strangers? Do any of them have odd habits? In today’s cancel culture, it seems that any detour off the path of normalcy could get you wiped out. I started thinking about it, and this is what I came up with.

Friends with Quirks

We have some friends with funny quirks. They do things that irritate or with which we do not agree. They may not have the same political beliefs that we do. Sometimes we wonder if we should jettison these friends with their quirks.

Now understand that I am a big believer in throwing away people who are negative in your life. Don’t keep them around! They will only pull you down. But friends with quirks . . . that’s different.

As I was analyzing their worth, quirks and all, something else occurred to me. I have quirks too – habits that may drive them crazy; beliefs they may question. Do you realize that right now they may be discussing ME and the weird quirks I have? They may be deciding whether to jettison me.

Hmm. Maybe this is worth a second consideration. I love these folks, quirks and warts and all, and I hope they love me, imperfect as I am. It took us a long time to find each other and truly see into the soul of each other. Each of us knows the other will never be perfect.

We’d better treasure what we can, put up with the rest, and consider ourselves very fortunate to have such good friends who put up with us too, quirks and warts and all.

P.S. How generous are you in forgiving quirks? Would you ever call out a friend or relative about their odd habit? Would you appreciate their pointing to yours?

[Show #484]

Adult Son/Little Guy

Backstory

He lives very far away, up on the Canadian border. I don’t know his best friends, as I did when he was under my roof. I learn most of his achievements and activities by following his posts on Facebook. So how could I possibly feel close to my adult son?

It is by the compliments I hear from others. Watching him crowned the head of this committee or the leader of that effort. Seeing his children cared for, smart, and thriving. It’s by seeing the love in his wife’s eyes and his when they catch each other in a glance and smile. Even though we can’t often share dinner or take a ride, he is always in my heart.

Adult Son

A friend asked me the other day, “When you see your grown son, is there a tie to the little guy you taught to walk, and talk, and think? Or is there a disconnect from that long-ago path so that you only see the man today and not the child?”

Oh no, my friend, the man is never disconnected from the child the mother raised. You remember the ups and downs. You see a scar on his adult hand or knee and remember what put it there.

You remember how hard it was for him to learn certain things and those he mastered with hardly an effort. You swell with pride at the challenges he meets over the years and feel his hurt to the core when he is ill or in danger, or off the track.

He is that little toddler, that searching teen, and that wonderous man all rolled into one.

At least to his Mom.

P.S. I hope you have lots of photos of your grown son, back when he was a toddler and youngster and teenager. Treasure the photos you captured and have retained. They are precious.

[Show #713]

Sisters

Backstory

Keep in touch! That’s the cardinal rule of sister relationships. It’s the responsibility conferred when friendship is offered or accepted. Contact is especially appreciated by friends who are aging and slowing down. You recognize how vulnerable your sister circle is as you watch it shrink.

The digital age offers so many opportunities for staying in touch; texts, e-mails, facetime, zoom, social media with its glorious array of catch-ups, and of course handwritten notes that speak from the heart.

I started thinking about the impact of sisters in my life, and this story developed.

Sisters

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A sister is never farther away than needing her can reach.

She can be a blood relative . . . or a sister through marriage or someone who has become like a sister over time.

The women in your life are there to laugh with you and cry with you, to cheer when you rise and soften the blow when you fall – – – loving without judgment or envy or blame.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you….or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters. mothers, aunts, nieces, grandmothers – they all bless our life!
And as the years go by, that bond means even more. It becomes more precious each day. You can’t turn back the clock, but you can rewind it – with help from the sisters in your life.

Don’t take them for granted. Cherish them. Tell them how you feel about them and how they make you feel.

Don’t let another week go by without sharing with them how much you love them and appreciate them.

P.S. Loneliness becomes a major issue as the years pile up. Hearing from a sister is a joyful antidote. If your life is still busy, it might be tempting to just skip reaching out today. Your older sisters in particular are worth the effort to keep in touch. Think I’ll jot a note off right now. How about you?

[Show #319]