Family

Invisible

Backstory

Some deeds get a lot of credit . . . Others are done quietly, behind the scenes, invisibly. I have always been more interested in being the wizard behind the curtain; creating the situations that make something good happen, rather than being the one receiving the credit. But sometimes, that can make a person invisible.

Invisible

Did you ever see the Carol Burnett show where she played the invisible woman? Waiters would listen to the others at the table and ignore her. Men would hold doors for other women but slam them on her. It was a supercilious exaggeration that made us all laugh.

In real life though, you really can seem invisible sometimes. You walk up to your husband and his colleagues at a party. They just keep right on talking. No one asks your opinion or introduces you.

Talk about invisible!

You’re explaining to a three-year-old why table manners count. Invisible!

Yet there are times when it’s OK to be invisible. The family sits down to a nice meal, perfectly cooked, spiced, and smelling scrumptious. Though your work was invisible, they walked away from the table feeling satisfied and happy. Those were the results that counted.

Your son brings his friends over and they comment that his house is “cool.” There is no recognition by the other boys of the decorating skill required. And that’s OK. Your work was invisible, and the results are, as the young man said, “cool.”

YOU know what it took. YOU know the love that went into every morsel of that meal and every swipe of the broom and dust cloth. There are times when that has to be enough for us invisible people. Just to know that we are part of what makes things tick, what makes the outcome a success, and what creates joyful memories that soothe and nurture.

P.S. Our years of pandemic isolation have even made us invisible to those we interact with each day. Masks hid our smiles, frustration made us rude, and fear replaced courtesy. It’s time to reset our humanity. Maybe us invisible people can step up and lead the restoration of consideration, one random act of kindness at a time.

[Show #266]

America Became a Nation

Tomorrow is an incredibly significant date in American history. It marks the day the United States officially became its own nation.

The Declaration of Independence of the United States was ratified by the Second Continental Congress on July 4, 1776.

Enjoy the holiday and the freedom it provides.

Happy birthday, America.

Next week’s Consider This story is about being invisible.

Immortality

Backstory

My son lives far away, on the Canadian border. I seldom witness his interaction with his children. But when I do, it’s a beautiful thing; one that makes me proud of what he learned under my roof. This is about one of those rare moments when I actually saw immortality created.

Immortality

My son was preparing his sons for bed. They were bathed, tired and starting to wind down. As their voices quieted, I heard a familiar sound from their bedroom. My son was singing a nursery rhyme that I had sung to him, some thirty years before.

I was moved, as I listened and realized, he had remembered every word. What’s more, he was doing more than just singing. He was conveying his love and affection to these little people, just as I did, so many decades ago. Surely such ordinary but heartfelt incidents are the immortality of ordinary people who live and love.

It’s in the stories we capture from the past and pass along as our gifts to the future. In the poetry we create and the letters we write. In the values we treasure and the integrity we show. It’s the gentleness with which we correct. It’s in the examples we set by what we do, so much more than what we say.

This is what it’s all about. What we teach by word and deed is the legacy we leave behind. By leading a good life, we do indeed find immortality.

Sometimes in the notes of a song filling a child’s bedroom, to the beat of a quietly rocking chair.

P.S. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads who sing and read and talk to their kids – including those who have grown up. They too need your support and attention.

[Show #240]

When Kids Do Right

Backstory

“Getting caught” has a negative connotation. You think of getting caught doing something wrong. But what if you caught people doing something right? What if you caught children?

When Kids Do Right

Kids and grandkids are such a source of humor and wonder and pride. I love to discover them doing something right. You know, when they think no one is watching. They have no audience, and yet there they are, going out of their way to be fair, or nice, or complimentary.

That’s the glorious moment – when you realize that all those things you’ve been teaching really have sunk in. Underneath, where it counts, they are learning to be sincere, caring human beings.

As adults and children live together each day, scolding is automatic. Adults are obliged to point out when they have done something wrong. Let’s also go out of our way to point out when they do it right.

Not just a great big A+ on a report card – but also a chore done without reminding: a date remembered and celebrated; a suggestion of something the family could do or the child could do – to be a good neighbor.

Let’s show that we notice when they do right. Point out how good it makes the child feel when they do right. Let them know how proud of them we are – or what WE learned from watching what they did.

Help them to connect what they did with the principles they’ve learned. Let them know they can help set the family pace for doing what’s right. It’s an obligation – and a joy – for generations to pass along – the urge to leave something good in our wake.

P.S.

You can also post kudos of recognition on Facebook or the social media used by kids. Produce a TikTok to show you noticed. It all counts.

[Show #316]

Mom’s Butterfly

Backstory

In my family, my late mother’s “signature” is a butterfly. We believe it shows her presence among us – like when that beautiful creature flew past my mom’s great-granddaughter, just as she was saying her wedding vows. Here’s another story of her presence.

Mom’s Butterfly

I watched a beautiful butterfly the other day and felt that my mother was so close. She loved butterflies, especially Monarchs. I can’t help but feel her presence when I see one. Have you ever had that experience?

My mom meant so much to me that in traumatic situations, I can’t keep from talking to her, even though she is no longer here, and trying to hear what her advice would be.

One time, I received a call that my pregnant daughter had been rushed to the hospital. She and the baby were both in distress.

I had a six-hour drive to where she was. All during the drive I listened so hard to hear my mom. Why wasn’t I remembering what she would say to comfort me, guide me, help me along this painful drive?

I got to the hospital well after dark. As I ran to the lobby door, a Monarch butterfly flew by.

“Oh mom,” I cried, “all this time I was wanting you, you were already here, watching over your granddaughter and great-granddaughter.”

I looked again – but the beautiful butterfly was gone.

Then it occurred to me – When is the last time you’ve seen a butterfly at night? They’re not out at night.

But mothers are. Mothers are wherever you need them; whyever you cry out to them. They come on the wings of butterflies – or is it – on the wings of love.

P.S.

If anything was ever connected to magic moments, it is mothers. Leaving this world does not seem to change our connection with the one who gave us birth. Whether you hear yourself sounding like your mother, remember her fondly, or laugh out loud as you recall adventures together, your mom is yours, forever.

[Show #330]

Emotional planning

Backstory

New Year’s Eve. Will that be party time at your house? What’s it like when your family gets together? All sweetness and light? Or are there factors or people who may use the function to retread old grudges or regrets? Anyone who may tip the bottle a bit and present My Hyde instead of Dr. Jekyll?

If your family is not exactly The Brady Bunch, you may do well to have ideas for deescalating friction.

Emotional Planning

Planning a big party or event? Be sure to plan for the emotional aspects as carefully as you plan the menu. If you are the host, be sure not to spread yourself too thin. Set realistic limits, aim for comfort, not perfection. Don’t let yourself get over tired so that you get cranky.

With large groups, keep everyone active rather than sitting around waiting for an argument to erupt. Play games, get outside, throw a ball around. Everyone will be less sluggish, which will put them in a better mood.

Too much togetherness can be smothering. Get away now and then. Even if it is to close your eyes and lay down for five minutes.

Humor is also a great tool for reducing stress and bringing people closer. If things start to get tense, make a joke of it. Or recall amusing incidents that bring on smiles. People won’t remember what was on your menu, but they will remember how you made them feel.

P.S. As the year draws to a close, there is so much to ponder. Our world has been changing under our feet, ready or not. It’s been easy, this year, to get lost and confused. At this time, remember how many times you showed courage in the last year. How often you went out of your way for others. Count your good steps, take credit for them and go forward doing the best you can, in your own little world. It’s what’s expected of you. Happy New Year.

[Show #170]