Friendship

Poverty of Loneliness

Backstory

Social contact elevates the human spirit. Without it, people withdraw and don’t do as well. It’s particularly difficult for the elderly. Yet social isolation was demanded of us during the pandemic. One friend spent 14 months alone in her apartment without seeing a single person at her door.

Aging itself is often responsible for some loss of social contact. Friends die! They don’t mean to leave; they just have no choice. One single friend said she deliberately helps friends out, hoping she will be offered help when she needs it.

Poverty of Loneliness

The poverty of loneliness. It’s often suffered by the elderly who live alone or may no longer get around easily. This may lead to a lack of human touch – no hugs or handshakes, no faces smiling back. One time, I saw this issue dramatically addressed, of all things, by a group of teenagers.

An improv group I worked in was invited to perform a skit for high school students. We were to introduce the kids to the kinds of public service they might undertake as they entered the adult world.

The key character in our skit was an old man who lived alone. He got a phone call daily to be sure he was OK. The person calling this day was abrupt and business like, more anxious to get the calls over with, than to chat.

Then she realized that this call was the only contact he had each day, with the outside world. He was very lonely. Her call had made his day brighter ad more promising.

The skit had the desired impact on the teens. Inspired, several volunteered to make such calls. The only problem was, there was no such service. We made it up, for the purpose of our skit.

But the idea had gathered so much traction that the teenagers wound up creating such a group. Young people who called elderly folks daily, just to say hello.

These kids made a difference because the improv players hit on such a great idea to address the poverty of loneliness.

P.S. So how do you make new friends when you’re old? The basic truth is – it’s up to you to reach out. If that gets you out of your comfort zone, that’s OK. It will be worth the effort, even if you have to try more than once. Like card games? Seek a card club. Don’t know that game? Learn it. Check out organizations and clubs. Volunteer at a thrift shop. Attend a senior center or volunteer at one. Think service and watch new social interaction blossom into friendship.

[Show #662]

She Hurt My Feelings

Backstory

A long-time friendship is precious. It can also be fragile – sometimes when least expected. What happens next can be game-changing. That was the case here.

She Hurt My Feelings

I don’t think she meant it that way, but what my friend said really hurt my feelings. There might have been an inkling of truth to it, but it hurt to hear it out loud. I’m trying to decide what to do about it.

Should I get back at her by saying something that would hurt her feelings too? Shall I try to find an excuse and apologize to myself for her? Shall I stay mad, end the friendship, never speak to her again?

Or might I examine what she said, remembering that it is nothing but data. It is input given by another. I have every right to consider it, accept it, reject it, rework it; whatever I want. I find that giving myself two or three days greatly improves the quality of making this kind of important decision.

Well, it’s now three days later and I have made my decision. I have decided to accept the bit of truth in her statement. I accept it as data and will consider it along with other data. In the meantime, I acknowledge our deep and valuable friendship. I decided that getting mad would be a waste of time for us both.

She’s still my friend and always will be. That’s what counts most. I think I made the right decision.

P.S.

During the trying times of the pandemic, families were stuck together. The rules kept changing along with the warnings. If you made any errors of judgment that need repentance, now’s the time to clear things up. Be kind.

[Show #227]

After the Mourning

Backstory

When things finally calm down and we can interact, the time will come when you are together with a friend or relative who has recently lost a loved one. It may be the time for words of comfort and encouragement. Or perhaps this is the time for less advice and more listening, with your heart.

After the Mourning

It was a difficult time. The mourning was over and it was time to move on. Yet it was hard. Everything was changed now; nothing felt comfortable. What to do? Where to go?

Friends and relatives who gathered around her had now returned to their lives and loved ones. They had left so much advice, so much confusion. After so many years of contentment and reliability, she was having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.

One evening, a friend arrived bearing a basket. “Oh no,” she thought, “I just cannot face another batch of homemade brownies or muffins that are supposed to mysteriously cheer me up.”

But no, the basket was filled with candles; new and used candles in every shape and size. Dozens of them. At her friend’s insistence, they set the candles out and started lighting them. One . . . a dozen . . . twenty . . . more. The whole room sparkled as their light grew brighter and deeper.

Suddenly she got it! No words were needed. She smiled at her friend over the candles’ warm glow; for she remembered the choice she had before, when things were different, she had now, and she would always have – To curse the darkness or light candles to lead the way.

Sometimes friends step in just in time.

P.S.

Loneliness also set in while we were sheltering in place. There may be some adjusting required to get back in your groove, once you introduce people and activities back into your life. More likely, you’ll find a new groove.

[Show #05]

Youngest I Will Ever Be

Backstory

I was reading about Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman to admire. She once said, “Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again.” It made me remember the time I wrestled with that concept. Here’s the story.

Youngest I Will Ever Be

The fair is in town and I’m trying to decide whether to go. I have been to the fair many times. Nothing new. It’s trouble to get everything together, drive out there, find a place to park, walk around a lot. Easier just to stay home.

But you know what? That’s what old folks do. Often, it’s what they have to do – either because of physical disabilities or because they lack the spirit to join in a celebration. So, when I consider whether to go, I have to remember: this is the youngest I will ever be! Now, today.

I may not be young enough to go tomorrow or next year when the fair comes along. I may not have the joy. I may no longer be able to drive. I want to enjoy every single simple thing there is to do. I want to do today, the same things I did yesterday.

Don’t need to see the Grand Canyon again. Can live without a weekend in Paris. But I don’t want to give up the joy of being with friends… or hearing a baby laugh… or shopping downtown in quaint little old stores. You have to be young to pull yourself to get out and do those things.

But you know what? The fair is here now and this is the youngest I will ever be. So, I’m not staying home. Oh no. I’m out the door and on my way. Y’all come on along, y’hear?

It’ll be fun. And this IS the youngest you will ever be!

P.S.

After so many months of sheltering in place during the pandemic, we are all really in the market for getting out and going. Don’t get carried away though. Keep wearing the mask and following protocol while enjoying your new freedom

[Show #647]

New Friends

Backstory – New Friends

I have this habit of twisting my hair when I’m thinking. Catching myself doing it one day, I started wondering if that annoys anyone. And out of that thought, came this story.

Click to listen or follow below to read.

New Friends – #361

Remember what it was like as a kid to make a new friend? The tentative moves toward each other and the total delight when you each found in the other, something you enjoyed and wanted to repeat.

Of course adults have many more facets than children – a lifetime of experiences… political opinions… habits and preferred behaviors.

We recently met a couple with whom we had a lot in common. We enjoyed their company except for one habit they had. We discussed whether that was a deal breaker or whether we wanted to be their friends nonetheless. We decided the latter.

So when they behave in that odd way, we just shrug and say, “That’s our friends being who they are.” Then we move on to the next fun time we enjoy with them.

Compromise? Sure. But how do we know that they are not compromising with some behavior that we exhibit. They may be kindheartedly tolerating us in the same small degree that we are them.

Another thing we learned from childhood is not to resent their having other friends. We need not do everything together or see everything in the same light. To hear an opposing view from someone we respect may just open our minds to new truths and preferences.

If their hearts are pure and we share the same values and principles, the friendship is probably worth nurturing.

P.S.

Have you made enjoy-in-person new friends through social media? Or do you find that digital friends remain in that venue?

[Show #361]

Pen Pal

Backstory

Handwritten notes? In the day of briefest possible communication like tweets, texting and Instagram? Here’s the story of how that came about.

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Pen Pal – #331

“Do you think Grandma would like to be my pen pal, ” my 10-year old grandchild asked her mom. We live several hundred miles away from each other and I don’t have a chance to engage in grandmotherly things like attending her ballet classes or watching her play softball. And now, she had come up with the idea of writing to each other.

Well, we’re both on Facebook, we both have computers, we both email each other, but here she was wanting to do something more personal and to me something very precious. I agreed in a moment and we began a stream of communications that kept the postman hopping.

I bought her return labels for her envelopes with her name and address on them and the greeting, Hi Grandma! She sent me messages of one or two sentences or whole pages worth of observations and questions and endearments full of sweet 10-year old innocence.

Yes, some wound up on the refrigerator where I secretly hoped that visitors would read her charming text. Others were packed lovingly in a box to be returned to her in 10 or 20 years to reacquaint her with the young girl she once was. Perhaps by then to have a daughter of her own with whom to share.

I am so pleased to be the pen pal of this special little person.

P.S.

Well, she IS now 10 years older. No daughter to share this with yet, so I’m keeping the ribbon tied box for when that event comes along. Once scrolled to paper, her words are mine forever.

[Show #331]