Parenting/Children

Boys Know How Things Work

Backstory

In an era where gender stereotypes are being significantly challenged, certain inalienable facts remain. That “boys know how things work” is one that I’ve found to be true, over a lifetime. They seem to be predisposed to this ability innately, without ever being taught. Let’s explore my thesis.

How Do Boys Know?

Boys seem to know how things work. I have noticed that all my life.

I don’t know how things work. Wish I did. But somehow my interests have never led me to find out. The lights go on when I turned the switch. I don’t need to know how or why. The house sits up straight on its foundation. I can believe in that without knowing the physics behind it.

But boys are not satisfied with that. From an early age, they have to take it apart, see how it works and put it back together again. Sometimes they get good at it; sometimes not.

I used to be amazed at how my husband knew how to fix a drain or wire a lamp. I am still amazed at how my son can operate all the lenses and filters and stuff on his professional cameras. They know how to change tires, how to put furniture together, how to make broken things work again.

I don’t remember seeing his father teach those things to his son, or his father teaching them to him. Yet somewhere along the way, the boys all learned.

I’ll bet I could learn all those things if I really tried. I once installed a door lock, just by following the pictures on the packaging.

But if I knew how to do those things, then they would expect me to do them. Well, that would not be smart. I will just let this tradition or illusion remain on the books

Hey guys, look what needs fixing. Come to my rescue!

P.S. Thank goodness I have a husband who does show up when something needs fixing. Lately, it’s been bottle and jar caps that won’t unscrew or pop off. They seem to be delivered, hermetically sealed. He’s also great at opening cans – bypassing my fancy electric opener to drag out that 50-year-old 19-cent manual tool that works just fine.

[Show #479]

Immortality

Backstory

My son lives far away, on the Canadian border. I seldom witness his interaction with his children. But when I do, it’s a beautiful thing; one that makes me proud of what he learned under my roof. This is about one of those rare moments when I actually saw immortality created.

Immortality

My son was preparing his sons for bed. They were bathed, tired and starting to wind down. As their voices quieted, I heard a familiar sound from their bedroom. My son was singing a nursery rhyme that I had sung to him, some thirty years before.

I was moved, as I listened and realized, he had remembered every word. What’s more, he was doing more than just singing. He was conveying his love and affection to these little people, just as I did, so many decades ago. Surely such ordinary but heartfelt incidents are the immortality of ordinary people who live and love.

It’s in the stories we capture from the past and pass along as our gifts to the future. In the poetry we create and the letters we write. In the values we treasure and the integrity we show. It’s the gentleness with which we correct. It’s in the examples we set by what we do, so much more than what we say.

This is what it’s all about. What we teach by word and deed is the legacy we leave behind. By leading a good life, we do indeed find immortality.

Sometimes in the notes of a song filling a child’s bedroom, to the beat of a quietly rocking chair.

P.S. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads who sing and read and talk to their kids – including those who have grown up. They too need your support and attention.

[Show #240]

Dad’s Confidence

Backstory

My dad was from another era. He ruled the house. With three daughters, he won the arguments by shouting the loudest. That would probably get you arrested today. But not back when I grew up.

He was big, and he seemed so confident. As the disciplinarian, he had to make decisions about punishment and fairness. Did he have the knowledge and emotional stability to do that successfully? That’s what we explore on this Father’s Day.

Dad’s Confidence

We’ve been talking about fathers lately, and it made me think about my own dad. We spent years living in the same house, eating the same food, and experiencing life in the same way.

Yet my images of him and the incidents I remember seem few and far between, considering all the time together. I had to dig deep to pull them out.

I wonder if your dad would be surprised to hear what you remember of him. Was he loving? Brash? Playful? Sullen? Are you remembering accurately or has time rewritten your personal history? Dads might really be surprised to find out what their children remember of them years later.

Father was so big when you were young. And he wielded the power of being the man of the house. He had the ultimate say. At least that was the way it was in our house.

I wonder now how my dad made those hard decisions – when to punish, when to chastise, when to comfort, when to let it go, and when to turn an incident into a lesson in principles or morals.

Did he consider himself successful as a dad? Did he have second thoughts about edicts or verdicts? He seemed so sure of himself all the time. Was he? Always?

I’ll never know.

P.S. Today’s culture seems to suggest that children have the capability of deciding for themselves. Disciplinary action is frowned on. Are today’s leanings producing better people? Is respect still expected and taught? Such a conundrum for young parents to figure out – just like my dad had to do way back then.

[Show #355]

A Woman’s Prayer

Backstory

I enjoy reading letters, poems, and prose written long ago. The prose of old is so lyrical, especially when related to romance. How I enjoyed reading the letters sent by my grandfather Anthony to the lovely Stella. They met at an afternoon dance, and he was immediately smitten. I could just see their love grow, as the letters moved from witty to wistful to fervent.

Today’s show looks into some very old words in a prayer spoken nearly a hundred years ago. Marvel at its simplicity and humility.

A Woman’s Prayer

Elsie sent in a prayer written by Lillian Mayfield Roberts, sometime between 1921 and 1938. After 80 years, it still seems a relevant appeal. Lillian prayed,

“Dear God, I am a woman – no weaker and no stronger than the rest. And I ask this prayer tonight, for help and guidance in the little things.

“If I could feel your hand upon my lips on days when I am sick, or merely tired of all the trivial worries, perhaps the stabbing words would not dart out, to wound my child, and turning, cut into my heart.

“I do not want to nag. I only want guidance to understand that each of us has her small troubles, and that mine are not harder in truth than other women bear.

“And when the little troubles vex me so, I am too prone to turn and cry them out In maudlin tears upon my husband’s breast. Keep me from this; he has enough to bear.

“And one more prayer that I would make tonight: If I could only see the difference between the really big things and the little things. . .

“I do not ask for better, or for more, I only ask for this: God keep my soul from growing petty. It will be enough. Help me in this, and I am satisfied.”

P.S. I love this simple morning prayer because it expresses gratitude and children easily remember the words, due to the rhyme.

For this new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends.
For everything Thy goodness sends,
We thank Thee, dearest Lord. Amen.

[Show #633]

When Kids Do Right

Backstory

“Getting caught” has a negative connotation. You think of getting caught doing something wrong. But what if you caught people doing something right? What if you caught children?

When Kids Do Right

Kids and grandkids are such a source of humor and wonder and pride. I love to discover them doing something right. You know, when they think no one is watching. They have no audience, and yet there they are, going out of their way to be fair, or nice, or complimentary.

That’s the glorious moment – when you realize that all those things you’ve been teaching really have sunk in. Underneath, where it counts, they are learning to be sincere, caring human beings.

As adults and children live together each day, scolding is automatic. Adults are obliged to point out when they have done something wrong. Let’s also go out of our way to point out when they do it right.

Not just a great big A+ on a report card – but also a chore done without reminding: a date remembered and celebrated; a suggestion of something the family could do or the child could do – to be a good neighbor.

Let’s show that we notice when they do right. Point out how good it makes the child feel when they do right. Let them know how proud of them we are – or what WE learned from watching what they did.

Help them to connect what they did with the principles they’ve learned. Let them know they can help set the family pace for doing what’s right. It’s an obligation – and a joy – for generations to pass along – the urge to leave something good in our wake.

P.S.

You can also post kudos of recognition on Facebook or the social media used by kids. Produce a TikTok to show you noticed. It all counts.

[Show #316]

Buy Your Time

Backstory

“Overwhelmed” is how parents with careers have described their days during the pandemic. A constant dual between family and work. Kids can get caught in the middle. This little guy had a solution.

Buy Your Time

A man came home from work late. He was tired and irritated and was actually hoping that his 5-year-old son was already in bed. Instead, there was the child excited to see his weary dad and full of questions.

“Daddy,” he asked, “how much do you make an hour?” Well, dad had no idea of where the conversation would lead. “If you must know, I make $50 an hour”. “Oh,” the little boy said, disappointed. “Could I borrow $25?”. Well, the father was just too tired to continue the conversation. But later, he went into the child’s bedroom to tuck his son in for the night.

“Here’s the money you wanted to borrow son. What’s it for?” “If I add it to what I saved up,” the little boy explained, “I’ll have $50. Now I can buy an hour of your time.” His dad looked dumbfounded. His son continued, “I’d like to have dinner with you Dad. Show you how good I throw a ball now and ride my bike really fast. I know you have to earn money for us, but I could give you the money if you could give me your time.” So easy for us to work so hard that time slips through our fingers. Be sure to share your valuable time with those who count.

P.S. How do you spend time with your kids? It doesn’t count if he is playing his video game over there and you are playing yours over here! Time that counts is time spent in the present when you’re listening and she is too. Not easy. Start out by lifting your eyes off the phone, looking each other in the face, and smiling. Does wonders.