Words

After the Mourning

Backstory

When things finally calm down and we can interact, the time will come when you are together with a friend or relative who has recently lost a loved one. It may be the time for words of comfort and encouragement. Or perhaps this is the time for less advice and more listening, with your heart.

After the Mourning

It was a difficult time. The mourning was over and it was time to move on. Yet it was hard. Everything was changed now; nothing felt comfortable. What to do? Where to go?

Friends and relatives who gathered around her had now returned to their lives and loved ones. They had left so much advice, so much confusion. After so many years of contentment and reliability, she was having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.

One evening, a friend arrived bearing a basket. “Oh no,” she thought, “I just cannot face another batch of homemade brownies or muffins that are supposed to mysteriously cheer me up.”

But no, the basket was filled with candles; new and used candles in every shape and size. Dozens of them. At her friend’s insistence, they set the candles out and started lighting them. One . . . a dozen . . . twenty . . . more. The whole room sparkled as their light grew brighter and deeper.

Suddenly she got it! No words were needed. She smiled at her friend over the candles’ warm glow; for she remembered the choice she had before, when things were different, she had now, and she would always have – To curse the darkness or light candles to lead the way.

Sometimes friends step in just in time.

P.S.

Loneliness also set in while we were sheltering in place. There may be some adjusting required to get back in your groove, once you introduce people and activities back into your life. More likely, you’ll find a new groove.

[Show #05]

Trigger Words

Backstory

Do you ever feel an emotion bubble up unexpectedly in response to certain words or situations? Here’s one that I recognized.

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Trigger Words – #460

Did you ever notice that there are “trigger words” that make people angry?

A Wall Street Journal study shows that the word “never” generally elicits a bad reaction. Think about it. Have you heard the word “never” used in a positive way? The word “always” also elicits a negative reaction.

These words are absolutes and they generally don’t work well. Especially when giving feedback. I have a rule for not using, “never” or “always” in an argument. My reason is because either word is rarely the truth.

When you accuse the other person of always doing this, or never doing that, you’re conjuring up all the negatives they have ever committed, rather than dealing with the issue at hand.

A controversial trigger these days is the “compliment sandwich.” Someone wants you to improve, so they give you a compliment, throw in a criticism and end with another compliment. Many swear by the “compliment sandwich.” Others say that people see right through it and consider the compliments insincere.

As one critic wrote, “There are plenty of ways of politely discussing a problem that won’t involve insults and eye rolling. But don’t waste my time with half-hearted niceties that disguise your true concern.”

So now that you know the words that trigger anger, or suggest insincerity be sure you “never” ever use them again.

P.S.

OK, maybe my ending was not too subtle – using the word I promised not to. But that IS the message. How often do we have an intention that’s not met with our action? Good exercise to consider the words or happenings that trigger your negative responses and practice a more reasonable response. Yes, it can be done. Especially if it will make things better for someone you love.

[Show #460]

The Annoying Husband

Backstory

A friend started telling about recent hassles with her husband. She referenced numerous irritating habits and grievances. Once she started looking at him through fresh eyes, things changed dramatically.

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The Annoying Husband – #644

How about that husband of yours? Sure gets on your nerves at times, doesn’t he? You get annoyed by some of the things he does. And what’s really frustrating are the things he doesn’t do.

Lots of promises, no action. Reminds me of the joke, “When a man says he will do something, he will do it. He does not need to be reminded every six months.”

Well, you can go ahead and be annoyed, or you could take a different look at it. Those things that annoy you, do they really matter?

There are millions of people yearning for a life companion and they can’t find one. Ask how fussy they would be about perfection, if they had a person who loved them, who they could talk to and share with.

Next time you are busy getting annoyed, think about the way he makes you feel; he way you feel when you look at him, or hug him, or watch him with your children.

Are you overlooking the good points and dwelling on the needy? Maybe a change of your attitude would make a difference. If you love him, be sure to tell him today. Right now. Give him a break from complaints – voiced or thought of. Substitute loving acceptance and see what happens. Could make life happier for you both.

Something to consider.

P.S.

There’s also a simple approach that can positively affect the family culture too. Introduce frequent use of “please” and “thank you.” It even works on teenagers – sometimes.

[Show #644]

Obsolete Words

Backstory

It all started when I said to a young person, “Aw shucks.” It was meant to be a joke. But she had no idea what that meant. I realized she had probably never heard the comment. Oh dear! I had used language that is no longer spoken. I’m a dinosaur!

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Obsolete Words – #648

Someone sent me an email with obsolete words. They are the words or phrase that were common in our youth, that are never heard today.

Some would be considered politically incorrect – Like the Honeymooners’ threat to “send his wife to the moon.” When there was a guilty person to be found, you might hear – “The milkman did it.” Today’s kids would have no idea who that was.

How about – “Hey! It’s your nickel: . . . “Don’t forget to pull the chain” . . . “Knee high to a grasshopper.”

A junk car was known as a jalopy. When is the last time you heard – jalopy?

To someone repeating themselves, you might say – “You sound like a broken record.” Sure has no relevance today.

Believe it or not, a darn good cuss word was – “Fiddlesticks!” A really cool exit greeting – “I’ll see you in the funny papers.” A caution – “Don’t take any wooden nickels.”

And now, those words are obsolete. The words we grew up with have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues. our pens or our keyboards.

There was a time when we owned those words, and were so cool to know them. And now, they are heard no more, except in our collective memory. And I’d say that’s – okey dokey. See ya later, alligator.

P.S.

So what forgotten phrases did this story conjure up for you? Write them down in COMMENTS, below, and share them with us all.

[Show #648]

Full of Courage and Foolishness

Backstory

Sometimes you hear or read a phrase that resonates with you and gets you to thinking. That’s what happened when I heard the phrase “full of courage and foolishness.” It could apply to so many things. This is where it led me.

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Full of Courage and Foolishness – #655

Listeners have asked where the ideas come from, for Consider This stories. Often, they are seeded by something a listener or reader has said in a comment to a previous story. I start thinking about the subject and out comes a radio show!

So today, I was thinking, “What kind of person has the audacity to give advice or guidance like this?” Then I read something where a writer was described as “someone full of courage and foolishness.” I thought – how utterly accurate.

Those are the two emotions that battle each other, every time a new Consider This show is written. What if my thoughts on the subject are foolish, and everyone disagrees? But then I stumble forward with great courage and record my thoughts anyway, and you don’t seem to shy away from them.

That’s all it takes to get all wound up and start again on another subject on which to be full of courage or foolishness.

Our stories have been called “down to earth descriptions of daily challenges and victories we each regularly encounter.” Today, someone wrote, “The anecdotes and lessons are relatable to me so I find them motivational.”

Well, that’s why we keep broadcasting and filling up our website with thoughts and smiles and love and joy and wonder. All we ask you to do is – Consider This.

P.S.

What has been your personal experience with courage and foolishness? Scroll down and share it.

[Show #655]

I Was In Her Prayer Book

(Updated)

Back Story –

I sat there in the car, outside the hospice. This could have been the last time I would ever see her. And indeed, it was. Yet something she told me has stuck with me for lo the many years that have passed, since that visit.

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I was In Her Prayer Book – #419

I was in her Prayer book. What a surprise that was. I had gone to visit someone I used to work with. We had lost touch and I found out she was very ill, so I went to see her. That’s when I found out that all those years, I had been in her prayer book. I had benefited from the entreaties she made to God asking Him to protect and guide me. What a revelation that was!

Then a friend told me just recently, “On 9/11, when there was such chaos from the terrorist attacks, I checked on my daughter and then I checked on you.” Again I was moved. Such an important role to play in someone’s life without even being aware of it.

And so it is in YOUR life. There are people you have helped, or influenced or just spoken to, over time, who remember you; relate to what you said, have been moved by you and what you stand for. They recall their time with you. There are portions of their behavior or their way of thinking or smiling that you helped to form.

What an important role we play with each other. It’s why we have to make every word count. Make every word bring something positive to someone else. You never know what effect you may have on someone. Be sure it’s always something for the better.

P.S.

Was there ever a time when the opposite happened? Someone was hurt or wounded or demeaned by something you said? Best to fix it – sooner rather than later.

Show #419