aging

Gracefully Old

Backstory

I had no previous experience in aging so when this phenomenon began, what could I expect? I remembered that my grandmother was old at 50. She had a tired demeanor, wore old lady shoes, and had given up on having fun. In the next generation, my mom danced the night away on her 75th birthday. So what can be expected of the next generation?

Gracefully Old

I think there must be a trick to growing old gracefully and happily. I’m trying to figure out what it is. I talked with a group of neighbors who are up in years, and I mentioned that I always felt that wisdom would come with age. Well, the group had mixed feelings.

Then one gentleman may have nailed it. He said, “Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.” Insightful to say the least.

Another neighbor advised that it takes effort to get things done, so you try to do at least two things at one time. Like if you fall down, you look for your lost glasses or the remote under the couch before you get up. So okay, I added multi-tasking to my grow-old gracefully basket.

A retired executive explaining his move from employed to retired complained it’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions anymore.

A little gray-haired lady piped in, “Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.”

So my analysis of all this is that wisdom can indeed come with age. But sometimes, age comes alone. I conclude that as long as you keep your sense of humor, you’ll make it through. One good thing I found out, wrinkles don’t hurt, or at least that’s what they say.

P.S. My personal goal in aging gracefully is to be able to say, “My life has been rewarding, my bucket list is empty, my family is thriving, and if everything ends tomorrow, so be it.” Amen!

[Show #17]

Wrinkles

Backstory

This story is fiction. I imagined it. We used to visit a little girl in an orphanage and always stopped to see other kids for a few minutes too. It’s that experience that conjured up this story about someone older than a kid.

Wrinkles

The little girl had been introduced to the elderly woman in the nursing home. The parents came often to visit a relative and would stop by to chat with this nearby room resident too.

The little girl climbed up on the woman’s lap. She kept her eyes steadily on the woman’s face, as though entranced. The child reached up and touched the woman’s cheek. “You have so many wrinkles,” she commented. Indeed, the woman’s cheeks were corrugated with nearly a hundred years of aging.

“What do you think about those wrinkles?” The woman asked. The little girl thought for a moment. “Do they hurt?” she asked.

The elderly lady smiled and assured the girl that wrinkles don’t hurt. That seemed to end her interest in the woman’s corrugated face. The child asked if the woman had seen the latest Shrek movie. She wanted to know what her favorite color is: how early she gets up in the morning; and whether she has homework to do. So many things are more important than wrinkles.

Watching the scene, it occurred to me that if we live long enough, most of us will spend time in a place like this, where we can get the care we need and be clean and presentable when visitors come to call. When I think about the possibility, at least it’s encouraging to know that wrinkles don’t hurt.

P.S. The elderly woman in our story so appreciated visitors. Are there people in your life who would treasure time with you? Reviewing old photos, listening to stories, just plain being social. And then there are the hugs and hand-holding. Life-supporting.

[Show #359]

To Age Gracefully

Backstory

A ten-year-old recently touched my arm to be sure she had my attention. She then advised that she observed that I am “aging gracefully.” Bewildered, I wondered what her innocent eyes saw or felt that gave her that amusing but gratifying impression. She seemed so sincere, like she knew exactly what aging gracefully would look like.

You know what I think she saw? Joy! We had chatted for a while and shared joyful thoughts. I think she saw that at any age, having joy in your heart will move you along with grace.

Today’s story is about a more-than-mature woman who found her joy and wanted to pass it on.

To Age Gracefully

Rose was 87 years old and in her first year at college. When a classmate asked her why she was attending school, she responded with a twinkle in her eye that she wanted to meet boys, get married, and have babies. Then, she admitted that she always wanted a college degree but was always supporting someone else’s education or career. Now, it was her time.

Rose made so many friends and was so popular that at the end of the year, they asked her to give a speech at the football banquet. Here is the wisdom she shared:

“We do not stop playing because we are old. We grow old because we stopped playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. And as you choose a career, remember that we make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.

There is a huge difference between growing old and growing up. Growing old is mandatory. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. Growing up is optional. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity and change.

And for heaven’s sake, have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. And the only people who fear death are those with regrets.”

P.S. Rose did all the right things. She kept warm relationships and I’ll bet she avoided smoking and alcohol. With strong social support, she experienced less mental deterioration as she aged. But above all, she experienced joy – every single day.

[Show #536]

Beautiful Old Faces

Backstory

I was browsing through old family photos. There was a close-up of a very old woman, taken back in the 40s. I was mesmerized by her. Wrinkled face spoke of her advanced age. Yet the light in her eyes and her warm smile exuded something I sought to define. Then it occurred to me. It was beauty.

Beautiful Old Faces

I love to be in the company of beautiful people. And one of the most beautiful types of face is an old one. The corrugated face has character. As you age, laughter etches grooves on your face. Imagine how much laughter it took to create that beautiful old face. That face may reflect a heart that has been broken – more than once.

But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. I tease my husband by tracing the laugh lines around his eyes. I claim to be the cause of the three on the left. Happy to take responsibility for those creases of love and laughter.

I love to be in the company of beautiful old people who know how to enjoy themselves, every single day. Who still know how to laugh – at your jokes and their jokes and at themselves.

And if they repeat those jokes often, be kind and listen in. Be amused and react as expected. You’ll make their day.

These older people are precious. They won’t be here forever. But while they are, help them not to waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. Seek out their company. Let them know they are beautiful. Learn from the stories they tell. Enjoy them.

And realize that one day, you will be them.

P.S. You want to see an old person beam? Put a grandbaby in her arms. Have him nuzzled by a puppy. Have a child present them with a handmade drawing. Listen to old music with them. Listen to their stories. Say a prayer with them. That light that beams from within brings beauty back into a tired old face as it shines with remembrance and joy.

[Show #651]

Youngest I Will Ever Be

Backstory

I was reading about Eleanor Roosevelt, a woman to admire. She once said, “Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again.” It made me remember the time I wrestled with that concept. Here’s the story.

Youngest I Will Ever Be

The fair is in town and I’m trying to decide whether to go. I have been to the fair many times. Nothing new. It’s trouble to get everything together, drive out there, find a place to park, walk around a lot. Easier just to stay home.

But you know what? That’s what old folks do. Often, it’s what they have to do – either because of physical disabilities or because they lack the spirit to join in a celebration. So, when I consider whether to go, I have to remember: this is the youngest I will ever be! Now, today.

I may not be young enough to go tomorrow or next year when the fair comes along. I may not have the joy. I may no longer be able to drive. I want to enjoy every single simple thing there is to do. I want to do today, the same things I did yesterday.

Don’t need to see the Grand Canyon again. Can live without a weekend in Paris. But I don’t want to give up the joy of being with friends… or hearing a baby laugh… or shopping downtown in quaint little old stores. You have to be young to pull yourself to get out and do those things.

But you know what? The fair is here now and this is the youngest I will ever be. So, I’m not staying home. Oh no. I’m out the door and on my way. Y’all come on along, y’hear?

It’ll be fun. And this IS the youngest you will ever be!

P.S.

After so many months of sheltering in place during the pandemic, we are all really in the market for getting out and going. Don’t get carried away though. Keep wearing the mask and following protocol while enjoying your new freedom

[Show #647]

New Abnormal

Backstory

We can’t control what happens, but we can always control our reaction. I had just had a vivid example of the benefits of positivity. It inspired a message about coping with change.

Click to listen or follow below to read.

New Abnormal – #376

Most of us come into this world in perfect condition: ten fingers and toes – although I have always wondered why counting digits is so important to new parents. Anyway, we perfect beings have minds ready to learn, bodies ready to grow and perform.

Then somewhere along the way, something may happen – accident…disease…chronic illness. It could happen when you are 26…or 39…or 74.

Suddenly, things are no longer normal. All the things you could do before are no longer easy or fast. You’re slowed down. You could easily be convinced that you are sidelined. You’re not perfect anymore.

That’s when attitude becomes as important as the right treatment. You have to decide on your own personal new normal. Set new goals within your current capacity. You can sit and bemoan the loss of the old normal – or work toward improvement, but within the accepted new normal.

Learning to accept help graciously can be an important part of relearning. Those who do so often find they can again have a good life with much joy and many adventures. Maybe not as elaborate as when you first came into the world, but fine enough to say Life is Good – even in my new normal.

P.S.

Happiness is relative. Things don’t need to be perfect for you to be happy. Count your blessings and don’t fret if the list is not as long as it used to be. The point is to build on what we have today and give thanks. Always give thanks.

Show #376