Family

The Panini Generation

Backstory

An aging population and a generation of young adults struggling to achieve financial independence are putting middle-aged Americans smack in the middle. Nearly half (47%) of adults in their 40s and 50s have a parent aged 65 or older and are either raising a young child or financially supporting a grown child (age 18 or older). A stressful situation lightened up by a beloved cartoonist.

The Panini Generation

There’s a book out that takes a humorous look at the struggle of the sandwich generation – middle-aged people charged with caring for aging parents – and one or more adult children who have returned to the nest.

You may remember the cartoon, Cathy. It was a mainstay in American entertainment for 34 years. In 2010, cartoon creator Cathy Guisewite (Guyz’white) retired, to focus on caring for her family. Now she mines the life she spent sandwiched between aging parents and an adult daughter, all of whom needed her.

Guisewite’s new book is titled, “Fifty Things That Aren’t My Fault: Essays From the Grown-Up Years” The amusing, self-deprecating observations that were in the Cathy cartoon are now applied to life in transition.

The author says the ‘panini generation’s days are completely different from what they expected at this time. Facing responsibility from both sides, trying to be a loving guide, yet still making time to have a life and take some selfies.

Guiswite confesses in her book that “the job of letting go and hanging on is wrenching.” She hopes that her essays can bring a beam of humor and understanding to an otherwise potentially depressing situation.

Good to have Cathy back in the game.

P.S. A new study reveals multigenerational living nearly quadrupled in the past decade, with the pandemic playing a strong role. https://www.gu.org/app/uploads/2021/04/21-MG-Family-Report-WEB.pdf

[Show #657]

Sitting On the Porch

Backstory

Today’s story is about those special happy places that people have. These are the sites tucked in someplace where dreams are conjured up, plans are made and broken hearts are healed. Your happy place may be in a tent made of sheets draped over furniture. It might be the back deck, the front porch, the rose garden, or the vegetable patch. Come along, hear my story, and tell me yours.

Sitting on the Porch

The other night, we were sitting on the back deck, watching the fireflies and gazing at the mountains that rise across the road. This is one of our favorite sites. We find calm and peace out there. The frenzy of the world tones way down and the sounds of birds and crickets give us solace.

How precious are the special places like this where moments take on special meaning, and lessons seem to sink in better and we made good resolutions and conjured up the best thoughts.

When I was growing up, my grandmother would hold court on the front porch each evening. If my sisters and I had been good that day, we’d be treated to orange soda and pretzels while Nanny told stories of her girlhood and my mother’s childhood.

Later, my mom sitting on the front porch in the evening was like a magnet for the teenagers in town. We lived right on the main street, where everyone passed by. Mom was fun, and the kids would pop in on their way to or from. She was particularly popular with the young men in town, Teasing them, listening to their adolescent fears, and providing motherly encouragement.

When my kids were growing up, we had a hanging swing on the front porch. We’d go out there in the evening and sing. They so enjoyed that singing.

What is your recollection of a secret place or a special place where life was good? Remember it, and enjoy.

P.S. Thanks for being here so many Sunday mornings, reading or listening to these stories. Consider making a comment at the end. Always love to hear from you.

[Show #362]

Life

Backstory

In recognition of her fortieth birthday, my daughter wrote a list of the things she has done – significant and ordinary. They tracked a life well lived that produced a mature woman of strength and well-defined values. It got me thinking. So much learned and so much left to comprehend.

Life

I was thinking the other day about the things I’ve learned in life so far.

On a positive note, I’ve learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles four different things – a rainy day…the elderly…lost luggage, or tangled Christmas tree lights.
I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life.’
That children grow up much too fast, right before your eyes.
That it’s a lot better to do it right away than to put it off.
I discovered that life sometimes gives you a second chance, and sometimes a third and a fourth.
I believe you should not go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.
I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it can elude you. But if you focus on family, friends, and the needs of others, happiness will come looking for you.
I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

P.S. Learning is essential to our existence. Today’s inclusive culture requires discovering new ways of relating to people, both those who have been staples in our lives and the new acquaintances evolving. What an exciting time to learn anew and expand our individual worlds.

[Show #366]

The Wooden Bowl

Backstory

This episode is not original. It was related by a storyteller; those folks who face their audience with nary a teleprompter in sight and narrate their tales. Wish I knew the name of the storyteller, to share with you.

The Wooden Bowl

The frail old man could no longer live alone. He moved in with his son and his family. But things got off to a rocky start.

The old man’s hands trembled and his eyesight was blurred. When the family ate dinner together, food fell off his silverware. He spilled his milk. He dropped plates.

The son’s wife was irritated with the mess. Finally, they decided to set a small table in the corner where Grandpa could sit alone. This would keep everyone else from being annoyed by him as they ate. To avoid broken dishes, food was served at the little table in a wooden bowl.

His 8-year-old grandson thought he saw tears in the old man’s eyes at mealtime, but he made no objection. One evening the parents noticed their son busily at work with some pieces of wood.

“What are you making?” the father asked. The boy responded, “I’m making bowls for you and Mama to have your food in when you live with me when I grow up.”

The parents were speechless as tears welled up in their eyes. That evening the man’s son went over to his father’s place at the little table and took his hand. He gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days, the old man ate every meal with his son’s family. And for some reason, it didn’t seem to matter anymore when a fork was dropped, a drink spilled, or a tablecloth soiled.

P.S. I found that this story has been attributed to Tolstoy and also the Brothers Grimm. A compendium of tales from the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries lists this tale as being in circulation since 1535. It’s a pleasure to feature it here, yet again.

[Show #365]

Emotional planning

Backstory

New Year’s Eve. Will that be party time at your house? What’s it like when your family gets together? All sweetness and light? Or are there factors or people who may use the function to retread old grudges or regrets? Anyone who may tip the bottle a bit and present My Hyde instead of Dr. Jekyll?

If your family is not exactly The Brady Bunch, you may do well to have ideas for deescalating friction.

Emotional Planning

Planning a big party or event? Be sure to plan for the emotional aspects as carefully as you plan the menu. If you are the host, be sure not to spread yourself too thin. Set realistic limits, aim for comfort, not perfection. Don’t let yourself get over tired so that you get cranky.

With large groups, keep everyone active rather than sitting around waiting for an argument to erupt. Play games, get outside, throw a ball around. Everyone will be less sluggish, which will put them in a better mood.

Too much togetherness can be smothering. Get away now and then. Even if it is to close your eyes and lay down for five minutes.

Humor is also a great tool for reducing stress and bringing people closer. If things start to get tense, make a joke of it. Or recall amusing incidents that bring on smiles. People won’t remember what was on your menu, but they will remember how you made them feel.

P.S. As the year draws to a close, there is so much to ponder. Our world has been changing under our feet, ready or not. It’s been easy, this year, to get lost and confused. At this time, remember how many times you showed courage in the last year. How often you went out of your way for others. Count your good steps, take credit for them and go forward doing the best you can, in your own little world. It’s what’s expected of you. Happy New Year.

[Show #170]

Family Dinner Chats

Backstory

On Thursday, your family may have more dinnertime interaction than any other time of the year. Thanksgiving will be repeated and enjoyed. So many blessings, even in such a chaotic world. Gratitude will be expressed – hopefully all around the table.

What are the discussions at the dinner table when it’s not a holiday? Could they use a pick-me-up?

Family Dinner Chats

If you are a family that comes together at dinner time, you are creating a wonderful forum for thought sharing. What do you discuss over dinner? Same old stuff?

You may want to think about some provocative questions to ask. See what’s really on the minds of your kids, or the other adults in your home, and see how they view things.

What if you asked mature adults, “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” How would you answer that question? Or ask family members, “What do you see when you look out our front window?” You may be amazed at the array of responses from people who are looking at exactly the same thing.

Ask what your family members notice first when they meet a man or woman. Ok, so there may be grounds for some fun too.

Keep your mealtime interesting and imaginative. It could become your favorite time of day.

P.S. My most memorable Thanksgiving was the year that my husband, my mom and I attended service at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC. On the way back to our car, we noticed a lot of activity at another door. We found out that Thanksgiving dinner was being served – to anyone who came to the door.

Lots of people had come – and there were not enough volunteers to serve. Ken and I spent the afternoon shlepping turkey and trimmings. My mom was a natural in the role of self-appointed hostess, greeting and seating, chatting and generating smiles and laughter. Our most tiring, most joyful Thanksgiving was spent in the company of strangers gathered together to share. May your Thanksgiving bring you joy too.

[Show #166]