life lessons

Haves and Have Nots

Backstory

In these months of constantly present hidden threat, optimism tends to wane, along with thankfulness. Reflecting on our state reminded me of an earlier time, when Americans were left without jobs and without income. This story is about that time for my family and what we learned.

Haves and Have Nots

“Be thankful for what you have, not for what you don’t have.” I first heard that mantra back in the 70’s. Be thankful for what you have, not for what you don’t have.

At the time, we were living in our first house. It was a nice three-bedroom split level in a residential development. But somehow after a few years, the house seemed small. We needed more garage space, more bedrooms. I wanted bigger, better.

Then the recession hit. Security became very wobbly. The things I had assumed I deserved and would always be mine were being challenged. I might not have a job. My husband might not. Oh boy, how I wish I had those hundreds of dollars we spent on last year’s vacation.

Suddenly I looked around my beautiful, perfect, plentiful home and said, “Please God – Just let us keep up the payments. Let us keep this roof over the heads of our children.”

Well, we did survive. The whole country did. Things turned around and we did eventually move on. But I never forgot the lesson I learned then. It may help you too.

Be thankful for what you have, not for what you don’t have.

P.S.

While sheltering in place during the pandemic, we have been thankful for thoughtful outreach, small and large. A team of walkers have a favorite route through our community. We sometimes glimpse them at wave distance. One day as they jogged through, they left candy and hand-written notes of blessing on porches. Gestures like that, especially from strangers, really make a difference. They remind us of the joy, friendship and kindness waiting on the other side.

[Show #108]

Be Aware

Backstory

My husband’s father was a very down-to-earth working man. While he might not correct your grammar or your manners, he did have certain demands of those he loved. He wanted you to be cautious. He felt that your life could depend on it.

Be Aware – #478

My father-in-law had a favorite lesson to impress on his kids and grandkids. Always be aware of your surroundings. He taught us to do that when walking from the building to a car. Be aware of who’s around, what cars are headed your way, what looks suspicious or what or who looks like they may need help.

He taught us to anticipate risks and eliminate them. A toddler in the kitchen could find himself in peril unless the room is made safe for a teetering little person.

Today we call it situational awareness. Police try to instill it in kids to keep them safe from predators. Older people use it to address obstacles that could cause a fall. On the job, situational awareness saves lives and limbs. A piece of equipment left in the way, a machine that Is not working right, an electric cord stretched across the walkway. They are all possible accident causes. They are so often overlooked and so easily relieved by anyone who is really paying attention.

Let’s all ratchet up our situational awareness. If it’s not right, let someone know or reach out and fix it. Consider it part of that business of, doing unto others as you want others to do unto you.

P.S.

Today, social media would surely top this dad’s cautions. New dangers keep popping up with the potential for dire consequences. Some protection can be purchased and some just require good common sense. As dad would have said, “Be aware!”

[Show #478]

Be Thankful

Backstory

This is a real-life story from fifty years ago. It was a seminal moment in how I looked at things from then on. See if you can relate to what happened.

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Be Thankful – #191

“Be thankful for what you have, not for what you don’t have.” I first heard that mantra back in the 70’s. Be thankful for what you have, not for what you don’t have.

At the time, we were living in our first house. It was a nice 3-bedroom split level in a residential development. But somehow, after a few years, the house seemed small. We needed more garage space, more bedrooms. I wanted bigger, better.

Then the recession hit. Security became very wobbly. The things I had assumed I deserved and would always be mine were being challenged. I might not have a job; my husband might not. Oh boy, how I wish I had those hundreds of dollars we spent on last year’s vacation.

Suddenly I looked around my beautiful, perfect, plentiful home and said, “Please God, just let us keep up the payments. Let us keep this roof over the heads of our children.”

Well, we did survive. The whole country did. Things turned around and we did eventually move on. But I never forgot the lesson I learned then. It may help you too.

Be thankful for what you have, not for what you don’t have.

P.S.

In this time of pandemic lock-down, you might hear whining about the claustrophobic aspects of sheltering at home. Take another look. There are places where shelter is a tent or a ripple of tin. If yours is better than that, you know what to do.

[Show #634]

Choose Not to Worry

Backstory

Mom set the tone for my theory about worrying. Each time I had a teenage bout of mourning, she would make detailed notes of my sorrow. A month or so later, she would drag out her notes so we could check what benefit was derived from all the hours of teenage angst. Confronting the evidence of the time wasted on worry was grounds for a cure.

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Choose Not to Worry – #113

Why is it that some people seem laden down with worry and others just smile right through the potential calamity? If you read the newspaper or watch television these days, you can be overcome by news of what has already gone wrong, what’s at risk of going wrong, or what has the potential to bring us harm and doom.

Meanwhile, if you look around you, chances are that very few of those cataclysmic potentials have already affected you. Your home has not been foreclosed. You have not lost your job. Your teenagers actually love you and hold their own.

So how do we balance reasonable adult concern with worrying ourselves to pieces? Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can happen?” Figure out how you would deal with that happening and then move back into the world of here and now.

Don’t fuss about trifles; keep yourself busy, go smell the roses. And if your yard has dandelions instead of roses, go out and pick some. Gather a bouquet and consider them Mother Nature’s gift to you for not worrying today.

P.S.

In her blog, Positivity Tree, Ella Miller posts messages of inspiration, calm and contentment. Visit her at https://www.facebook.com/ThePositivityTree

[Show #113]

In a Taxi

Backstory

This is not how I would have presented the concept of patience and love. All the more reason why it resonated so clearly.

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In a Taxi – #184

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. Well, my taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches. The driver of that car whipped his head around and started yelling.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy, and I mean he was really friendly. So, I asked, “Why did you just do that? That guy almost ruined your taxi and sent us to the hospital.”

Well, the cab driver explained he was following the “Law of the Garbage Truck.” He said that many people are like human garbage trucks. Their internal garbage is frustration, anger, disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it, and sometimes they dump it on you.

His advice – Don’t take it personally. Smile, wave, wish them well and move on. Don’t let their garbage become the garbage that you internalize or spread.

Happy people do not let someone else’s garbage take over their day. Love the people who treat you right and pray for those who don’t.

Something to consider!

P.S.

Mouths of babes are not the only place where wisdom can be found. Listen closely and you’ll hear lessons and love, even from a rear view mirror.

[Show #184]

The Small Stuff

Backstory

When I looked around, while in lockdown, I started re-imagining my future in simpler terms. Here are some of the views that evolved.

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The Small Stuff – #632

There comes a point in your life when you decide to enjoy the birds and the trees in your view,

rather than worrying about whether the grass is cut.

In the words of Richard Carlson, “Don’t sweat the small stuff . . . and it’s all small stuff.”

Life is too short and too valuable to spend it on small stuff. Decide who matters and who never did, who won’t matter anymore, and who always will. Keep close to you, those who bring you joy and laughter. Separate out those who bring darkness into your life. Decide who you want to help and learn how to say no with a smile and a hug.

THAT may be the hardest of all. But it’s your RIGHT to make those decisions. It’s your life. Don’t worry about people from your past, who should not be allowed in your future. Leave room in your heart for new friends and connections yet to come. Treasure those who are with you now and show your appreciation.

Repay kindness . . . do favors . . . give of your talents. Take the time to create memories that matter for you and those you love. Creating new memories takes time. Take the time. Of all the gifts we can give, memories of happenings you’ve created may just be the most precious of all.

P.S.

Some of the happiest retired folks I know are those who are now taking the time for friends, neighbors and relatives. It is these relationships that give them the most joy these days even though the connection may have to be electronic.

[Show #632]