memories

The Mason Jar of Buttons

Backstory

Loving children seek ways to communicate with elderly parents, even when Alzheimer’s blurs memories, steals words and causes confusion. Each encounter is a challenge, as the disease progresses. Listeners sometimes share their stories, as Amy did.

The Mason Jar of Buttons

Spending time with my mother has always been special. Now that she is slowly slipping away to dementia, it is even more important. Mom has trouble focusing and remembering. So I look for things that will engage her. This day, I was thinking about buttons.

In the depression years, women wasted nothing. When a shirt or dress was too worn to wear, it was cut into pieces to make rag rugs, and the buttons were saved to reuse. Living in that time, my grandmother kept her buttons in a mason jar.

Decades ago, my mother had given it to me.

That simple mason jar had traveled with me from house to house, unopened, chuck full of buttons. Why did I keep them? I knew I would never use them… but I cherished them as part of my mother’s history.

As I dumped all those buttons into a bowl in front of her, a huge smile lit up my mother’s face. Running her fingers through them, she chattered on about what those buttons said to her. What kind of clothing they were on, who would have worn them and when. As she did, my heart swelled that I could bring her this measure of contentment.

How inclined we are to discard things from our past. If I had tossed that jar, unopened for two decades, I would never have seen my mother’s smile of recognition – at the mason jar full of buttons.

Thank you for letting me share this with you. Somehow, I knew you would understand.

P.S.

Speaking from inside Alzheimer’s –

I’m confused beyond your concept,

I am sad and sick and lost.

All I know is that I need you

To be with me at all cost.

– Excerpt from a poem by Owen Darnell

[Show #634]

When Christmas Is Sad

Backstory

On my sad Christmases, I would write. The keys on my computer would fly. It might be spilling all my sorrow, putting my anger into words, shouting out the injustice of my circumstance. Others shed tears to cope. Some go away, avoiding the setting of their last happy holiday. Others return to that special place. Some folks are lost, seeking a means to calm the hurt.

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Christmas Sad – #123

There are times when Christmas is sad. You may be missing a loved one, or you may be far away from home, on your own, or you may be the one left behind with your loved one serving of a battlefield halfway across the world. Sometimes it helps to remember not only this sad Christmas, but all of them, stacked up in a row from childhood until now.

Considering all of the holidays in our lifetime, some are bound to be better than others. But, ah, the good ones were really fine. Think about them and you’ll simply HAVE to smile as you remember words and actions, laughter and love.

Take out photos and relive those times, so warm and loving. No one can take those precious memories away. They may be the greatest gift we were given. Once a good thing happens, it can always be conjured up again in your mind. It can always make you smile as you remember, relive and enjoy it all over again.

So this Christmas, whether it’s one of your best or not, may you have the comfort of memories of Christmases past and may you smile and enjoy them all over again.

Wishing you a Christmas with a peaceful heart.

P.S.

It’s so easy to become sour when holiday plans go awry or you are sad. You want to blame someone or take it out on somebody. Instead, do something for someone else – or a lot of elses.

Take over someone’s job so they can be home with family on Christmas.
Serve at a soup kitchen – dressed up nicely for the holiday.
Sit with someone who is ill, so the caregiver can be with family.

As the holidays rush upon us, don’t become the Grinch who stole Christmas. Help bring peace on earth to your little corner of the world, no matter what.

[Show #123]

Great Moments

Backstory

It’s a spot; a moment in time that is indelible in your memory. It may be a seminal moment – or a simple gesture or word. But it is burned into your mind, to be remembered forever.

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Great Moments – #707

What great moments of your life do you remember?

One of mine, was my Mom’s 75^th birthday. My sisters’ and I wanted to throw a party at a nice hotel. But she wanted a family affair at our farmhouse here in the Shenandoah Valley.

We had just recently bought the house as a weekend retreat. It was over 100 years-old and it needed everything. The plaster walls had cracks, the kitchen had a rickety stove from the 1930’s. We had very little furniture yet, and you just might fall through the floor in one or two of the rooms.

But Mom was adamant that this was to be the site of her big birthday shindig. So, we hung crepe paper on the walls to cover the cracks, sat a door on saw horses as a party table, brought in mix-matched folding chairs, turned up the radio, invited the neighbors and had so much, that 15-years later it still pops into my mind as a great moment.

Just think, something that happens to you today may become the great moment that you’ll talk about 15-years from now.

You just never know what life holds when you go around the next corner.

Ain’t it just great!

P.S.

What great moment pops into YOUR mind? Scroll down and share it, if you can.

[Show #707]

Wise Moms

Edited and updated May 12, 2019.

Backstory

This week’s musings are about your mother and the place you held in her heart. It’s all in how you look at it. This may present some new perspectives.

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Wise Moms – #499

There is a time in life when your mom is not so smart. It’s the age when you know much more than she does. She is so out of it; and you are so cool . . . except for that one time that she was right. Or was it two times . . . or maybe three.

Then the years fly by and your mom somehow gets magically wiser. As you progress to the stage of a young mother yourself, you understand for the first time what your mom was all about. So she wasn’t trying to stifle you . . . she wanted to protect you. She didn’t want to make your life a living hell . . . she just wanted your room cleaned.

And know that when she is no longer here on earth with you, your mom will still linger – in your heart, your words and deeds. You’ll find yourself saying something she said . . . or voicing the exact same cautions that she did. You’ll cry at the same kind of movie. Memories of what you shared will make you smile – or laugh out loud.

You see, a mother isn’t just on hand until you’re 18, or until you’re through college or until you marry. A mother is forever. Treasure yours while she is here and remember her when she’s gone, for she is never far away. Her love and her teachings still guide you.

When you need her, you’ll feel her essence, her warmth, her glow. You don’t have to be able to see her. You can feel her in your soul.

Thanks to all the mothers remembered with love.

P.S.

We like to repeat this show at this time of year, as a reminder of the role mothers play, forever.

[Show #499]

Be There

(Edited 3-24-19)

Backstory

Remember the days when “Party” was a call to arms? All aboard, and the louder the music, the better. Then we kind of settle down. Favorite get-togethers involve smaller crowds, family; people whose company we enjoy. After that comes the time when you may decide not to accept every invitation. It gets involved to get ready, arrange to get there, attend and get back. If you’re tempted to skip it, consider this.

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Be There – #603

Recently, I told you about the surprise birthday party in my honor. It lasted one afternoon. But the aftermath is what I want to share with you, because that event had a life of its own. It was like seeing a movie that keeps repeating in your head.

For weeks, I went to sleep remembering a vignette or a conversation or a hug shared that afternoon. I knew the memories of that day would be with me forever.

But the good part is that it gets to play over and over WITH OTHER PEOPLE as well. Every time I get together with a friend who was there, or a relative who helped plan or run the event, the warm rush of affection happens all over again. I hear what THEY took away; entirely different from what I did.

So the gift provided by the folks who planned and attended that surprise party did NOT fill just one afternoon. It became another story that is part of my life. How precious!

So I have a suggestion for you. If you are invited to a surprise party . . . or any such event . . . GO! Make the time, go out of your way to get there. Does it matter if you are in the crowd? Yes, it does.

You are giving the gift of time and sharing, to someone you care for, who no doubt loves you in return. The scope of the gift you provide by your attendance is immeasurable. It will pleasure the person honored with happy memories and provide stories to tell, for years to come. Don’t miss it. Be there.

P.S.

I just got one of those printed books that pile together all the photos posted on your Facebook page for the past year. Being someone who always forgets to take photos, I was delighted to see all those that others had posted on my page. What an easy, simple way to keep the memories of all those special events that were important enough to share with friends.

[Show #603]

Bring Back Yesterday

(Updated)

Backstory

This story was written after lunching with friends where the main topic of discussion seemed to be “the good ole days.” It’s not unusual to hear such conversations among those of retirement age. But this was a young group – folks in their 40s and 50s. Already they were considering previous times an improvement to current times. It got me thinking these thoughts.

Bring Back Yesterday #321

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Henry Herman is quoted as saying, back in the 1800s – “Oh God, put back the universe and give me yesterday. “

Those who have traveled half a dozen decades or more do seem to value their yesterday’s more than their tomorrows. Their yesterdays, it would seem, were better …sweeter . . . simpler . . . less demanding.

It was a time of sitting on the dock, watching the clouds go by: of walking down the lane, hand in hand; a time without troubles or concerns. Or perhaps those yesterdays are just the result of selective memory.

They also have tales of having to walk five miles to school, uphill both ways!

Of course, TODAY is the yesterday that our kids will remember. How will this time be reflected in their memory? Will they remember too many toys . . . too many demands . . . time disappearing into a texting telephone?

What can we do, to make today a joyful memory for them? They probably won’t remember who had the biggest toy or the designer book bag.

My guess is that they’ll remember who made them feel good, and why.

Make sure you are part of those happy memories for the youngsters in your life.

[Show #321]

P.S.

What happens when you apply a reality check to your yesterdays? Here’s hoping that you find laughter, lessons learned, happy memories and legitimate nostalgia. Now on to creating tomorrow’s memories, today.