parenting

Dad’s Confidence

Backstory

My dad was from another era. He ruled the house. With three daughters, he won the arguments by shouting the loudest. That would probably get you arrested today. But not back when I grew up.

He was big, and he seemed so confident. As the disciplinarian, he had to make decisions about punishment and fairness. Did he have the knowledge and emotional stability to do that successfully? That’s what we explore on this Father’s Day.

Dad’s Confidence

We’ve been talking about fathers lately, and it made me think about my own dad. We spent years living in the same house, eating the same food, and experiencing life in the same way.

Yet my images of him and the incidents I remember seem few and far between, considering all the time together. I had to dig deep to pull them out.

I wonder if your dad would be surprised to hear what you remember of him. Was he loving? Brash? Playful? Sullen? Are you remembering accurately or has time rewritten your personal history? Dads might really be surprised to find out what their children remember of them years later.

Father was so big when you were young. And he wielded the power of being the man of the house. He had the ultimate say. At least that was the way it was in our house.

I wonder now how my dad made those hard decisions – when to punish, when to chastise, when to comfort, when to let it go, and when to turn an incident into a lesson in principles or morals.

Did he consider himself successful as a dad? Did he have second thoughts about edicts or verdicts? He seemed so sure of himself all the time. Was he? Always?

I’ll never know.

P.S. Today’s culture seems to suggest that children have the capability of deciding for themselves. Disciplinary action is frowned on. Are today’s leanings producing better people? Is respect still expected and taught? Such a conundrum for young parents to figure out – just like my dad had to do way back then.

[Show #355]

Buy Your Time

Backstory

“Overwhelmed” is how parents with careers have described their days during the pandemic. A constant dual between family and work. Kids can get caught in the middle. This little guy had a solution.

Buy Your Time

A man came home from work late. He was tired and irritated and was actually hoping that his 5-year-old son was already in bed. Instead, there was the child excited to see his weary dad and full of questions.

“Daddy,” he asked, “how much do you make an hour?” Well, dad had no idea of where the conversation would lead. “If you must know, I make $50 an hour”. “Oh,” the little boy said, disappointed. “Could I borrow $25?”. Well, the father was just too tired to continue the conversation. But later, he went into the child’s bedroom to tuck his son in for the night.

“Here’s the money you wanted to borrow son. What’s it for?” “If I add it to what I saved up,” the little boy explained, “I’ll have $50. Now I can buy an hour of your time.” His dad looked dumbfounded. His son continued, “I’d like to have dinner with you Dad. Show you how good I throw a ball now and ride my bike really fast. I know you have to earn money for us, but I could give you the money if you could give me your time.” So easy for us to work so hard that time slips through our fingers. Be sure to share your valuable time with those who count.

P.S. How do you spend time with your kids? It doesn’t count if he is playing his video game over there and you are playing yours over here! Time that counts is time spent in the present when you’re listening and she is too. Not easy. Start out by lifting your eyes off the phone, looking each other in the face, and smiling. Does wonders.

I Bought Gifts

Backstory

This story first aired in 2014. It brought more comments than any previous story. It was featured again in 2017 and again brought a storm of response. Seems I was not the only one with this experience. Feel free to write your comments, after listening to what happened when I gave gifts to the children.

I Bought Gifts

I bought gifts for some children who were coming to visit. The kids were 5 years old, 8 and 13. The gifts totally bombed out. The kids were disappointed with them.

I had so enjoyed picking them out and making sure they were age-appropriate. And they were rejected with hardly a parent-induced, murmured “thanks.”

Who went wrong? Them or me?

Was it too much to expect a polite response from kids this age, even if they were not thrilled with the gift? Or am I placing MY expectations on THEM?

I can remember receiving presents as a kid; some bummers and some keepers. I hope I was gracious in my acceptance of both kinds. But was I?

And if I gushed over some out-of-style or mundane gift, was I being hypocritical? Was it more honest to show without a doubt that the gift was unwelcome?

Do the parents have a responsibility to instill in their kids the social concepts of civility and appreciation? Or do I just shrug, chalk it up to my bad and give the kids money next time, so they can go and buy something they’d like.

One thing for sure; I won’t be choosing any more gifts for these kids. Not because I’m mad at them, just because I am now assured that I have no concept of their preferences and desires.

Too bad. I really enjoyed shopping for those gifts.

P.S. Consider This Radio Show is now featured in Grand Magazine. Click here to subscribe. It’s my gift to you!

[Show #528]

Family Dinner Chats

Backstory

On Thursday, your family may have more dinnertime interaction than any other time of the year. Thanksgiving will be repeated and enjoyed. So many blessings, even in such a chaotic world. Gratitude will be expressed – hopefully all around the table.

What are the discussions at the dinner table when it’s not a holiday? Could they use a pick-me-up?

Family Dinner Chats

If you are a family that comes together at dinner time, you are creating a wonderful forum for thought sharing. What do you discuss over dinner? Same old stuff?

You may want to think about some provocative questions to ask. See what’s really on the minds of your kids, or the other adults in your home, and see how they view things.

What if you asked mature adults, “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” How would you answer that question? Or ask family members, “What do you see when you look out our front window?” You may be amazed at the array of responses from people who are looking at exactly the same thing.

Ask what your family members notice first when they meet a man or woman. Ok, so there may be grounds for some fun too.

Keep your mealtime interesting and imaginative. It could become your favorite time of day.

P.S. My most memorable Thanksgiving was the year that my husband, my mom and I attended service at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC. On the way back to our car, we noticed a lot of activity at another door. We found out that Thanksgiving dinner was being served – to anyone who came to the door.

Lots of people had come – and there were not enough volunteers to serve. Ken and I spent the afternoon shlepping turkey and trimmings. My mom was a natural in the role of self-appointed hostess, greeting and seating, chatting and generating smiles and laughter. Our most tiring, most joyful Thanksgiving was spent in the company of strangers gathered together to share. May your Thanksgiving bring you joy too.

[Show #166]

Just Like You

Backstory

The song was from the If You’re Going Through Hell album by country singer, Rodney Atkins. It was titled Watching You and it was released in 2006. It’s the tearjerker behind this story.

Just Like You

There’s a country song I love. A father is singing about his young son who lets loose with a profanity. “Where did you learn to speak like that?” the father demands. “From you daddy,” the child responds. “I wanna be just like you.”

Later in the song, the father is redeemed when he hears his son speak original words to God and asks where he learned to pray like that. “From you daddy”, the child responds. “I wanna be just like you.”

How often do we wonder where one of our children gets an attitude, or a prejudice, or passion? Often, we just need to look in the mirror to find the source. The things that you say and do everyday influence everyone around you; for the good, and for the bad.

So, when you decide what kind of stance to take, think twice about what you say. The position you take may well become the same one your children will carry into the next generation. You may never hear your child say, “Mommy, I want to be just like you.” But how often has it occurred to you, “Oh my God, I have become my mother” or “I have become my father.”

When that thought occurs to your child, make sure it makes them smile, not frown. And when your children become you, make sure they can be proud of the person they’ve become.

P.S.

In 2021, there is more need than ever for parents to display the traits you want offspring to emulate. Are you standing up against bullying? Have you explained ways to channel anger? Have you practiced conversations that respect all points of view? Kids are on a new playing field these days that may require patient consideration and discussion. Be sure your children can find that at home.

[Show #485]

Give Up for Kids

Backstory

I heard this advice on the radio and disagreed. I doubt the guy at the microphone heard me shouting at him in my car. So I decided to put my concerns out to you. Listen to the advice he gave to single parents and see if you agree. Let me know.

Click to listen or follow below to read.

Give Up for Kids – #338

How much do you owe your children? I heard a radio pundit advise – “Do not date while you have children at home. You owe it to them to remain free of other entanglements and the emotional difficulties they may create.”

You think? Is a parent expected to give up something as precious as a close personal relationship over all the years they are raising children? I can’t agree.

The love of another adult can add to the joy of life for both the parent and the child. Parents are entitled to live their lives too.

Of course it will take planning and consideration to fit another adult Into your life with your children. But it sure seems worth the effort.

Sometimes the result is greater happiness for everyone. Other times, it does not work out. Should you be willing to take a chance?

Of course you want to take the time and effort to be sure the other person is who he or she claims to be. Check around and take your time. And then?

What’s been your experience? Let us know by sending an email to me.

Write to Annette@considerthisonline.com. That’s Annette@considerthisonline.com.

We look forward to hearing from you and exploring this subject from your personal point of view.

P.S.

You can also scroll down past the next few photos and leave your comments right here on this website. You are always welcome to let us know how you feel about a show or add to the points made. Thanks for your participation.

[Show #338]