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Backstory
It didn’t happen just like that. There was a lot leading up to it. Joan had been in the presence of my fiancé and me for years – on vacations, on outings and at home. She was a careful observer. Now, it turns out, she was about to become a tentative adviser as well.
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What Are You Waiting For? – #639
What are you waiting for? That’s what Joan asked me. She had sat me down and said we had to have a serious talk. Bill and I had been engaged for some eight years. When I accepted his engagement ring, we both considered ourselves committed, one to the other. And that was that.
But Joan, who had been married for decades, pointed out that there is a difference.
She pointed out that my fiancé had never been married. She believed he would thrive in the status of being husband to a wife he loved. She wisely pointed out that we were not getting any younger. But I just saw no need for a big event and a lot of hoopla and spending money and bothering people to come together to celebrate. At our age, it seemed anti-climactic.
That’s when she took my hand and gave me her best advice. She said, “You are talking about the wedding. I am talking about being married. It’s two very different things.”
She pointed out that every day that passed was a day that we were not enjoying the definitive commitment, the ultimate allegiance. She said we owed it to each other to experience that. She strongly advised that I allow Bill to put the other ring on it.
I took to heart, everything she said. And decided she was right.
P.S.
Joan had said that seeing Bill happily married was on her bucket list – something she wanted to see happen before her time was up. She had known him for some 30 years. Long before I was on the scene. She was so pleased to check that off her bucket list. Another item on the list was a trip to Tuscany. She marked that one off too. She died in her sleep, the day after her return.
[Show #639]
Oh, Annette, this is one of your most beautiful and compelling episodes — a truly heart-warming story with a poignant twist that becomes such an important reminder to us all. When something should be done, there’s no percentage in waiting. And those of us who love you and Bill—and who have experience happy marriages of our own—are given a gift to see you both so happy.
One is truly blessed when a friendship is instantaneous when it occurs, and continues throughout the ups and downs of decades of live. I treasure the sharings we have done over the years and the times we’ve held hands, while hundreds of miles apart. Thank you, Connie.
Sent in an email. Added here with the approval of Connie Whitley
My heart was touched by your message today. Joan must have been a cherished friend and confidant. When I read to the bottom and saw that Joan accomplished two things on her bucket list and then passed away, my heart was sad and joyful at the same time!!! Sad that you and Bill lost a beloved friend, but happy that Joan lived to see that you and Bill married and to have had the joy of traveling to Tuscany. God is amazing, isn’t He?
I think of you so often and cherish the memories of our relationship through the years. We may not talk on the phone or see each other too much, but knowing you are there means the world to me. You are an awesome woman, and I do love you!
So happy you took Joans advice, now I have a sister in law & there is another Mrs G! Love ya
I just love being the latest Mrs. Gentry, Jean. Love you and your wonderful family back.
Thank you again Annette for the story about how Joan brought up marriage to you. I was very touched by reading that even though you had one other time brought it up. But then at the end to hear that Joan has now died I was really sad about that. But thank you for your story. Blessings
We were stunned by the sudden loss. So glad we acted when we did. Follow your heart, she said, and we did.