It didn’t happen just like that. There was a lot leading up to it. Joan had been in the presence of my fiancé and me for years – on vacations, on outings and at home. She was a careful observer. Now, it turns out, she was about to become a tentative adviser as well.
What Are You Waiting For? – #639
What are you waiting for? That’s what Joan asked me. She had sat me down and said we had to have a serious talk. Bill and I had been engaged for some eight years. When I accepted his engagement ring, we both considered ourselves committed, one to the other. And that was that.
But Joan, who had been married for decades, pointed out that there is a difference.
She pointed out that my fiancé had never been married. She believed he would thrive in the status of being husband to a wife he loved. She wisely pointed out that we were not getting any younger. But I just saw no need for a big event and a lot of hoopla and spending money and bothering people to come together to celebrate. At our age, it seemed anti-climactic.
That’s when she took my hand and gave me her best advice. She said, “You are talking about the wedding. I am talking about being married. It’s two very different things.”
She pointed out that every day that passed was a day that we were not enjoying the definitive commitment, the ultimate allegiance. She said we owed it to each other to experience that. She strongly advised that I allow Bill to put the other ring on it.
I took to heart, everything she said. And decided she was right.
Joan had said that seeing Bill happily married was on her bucket list – something she wanted to see happen before her time was up. She had known him for some 30 years. Long before I was on the scene. She was so pleased to check that off her bucket list. Another item on the list was a trip to Tuscany. She marked that one off too. She died in her sleep, the day after her return.