Family and Friendship

Rethinking Sympathy

Backstory

There is a tendency to fill the air with words, when expressing sympathy, in person or in writing. Hallmark chooses comforting messages for you. Sometimes empathy presents the best sincerity.

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Rethinking Sympathy – #377

“I know how you feel.” People often say that, to show empathy with someone else. The truth is, you probably have no idea how they feel. And saying that you do may really aggravate the other person or make them want to scream back that you could not possibly feel their pain.

So how do you comfort someone over a loss or a tragedy? You might say – I know how I would feel in that situation. You might even find better words to use.

Often, it’s best to just be quiet. Be a sounding board, rather than someone who gives advice. Let the other person vent or cry on your shoulder. A gentle touch…a hug …the holding of a hand – all those can express empathy better than a speech.

Sometimes you’ll share the tears; sometimes you’ll dry them. Just being there with someone you care for can be the greatest gift in their time of need. Being there…and quiet…and listening…and sharing.

You won’t find that prescription on a bottle of medication. You’ll find it in your soul.

Don’t be afraid of the person in pain. Don’t try to convince them things will be better. Just be there for them, with love in your heart.

It works.

P.S.
Some people have a generous knack for expressing sympathy by doing. We think to take food over right away, but take it again later too. Call with a lunch invitation in a few weeks. If you are turned down, ask again later. Send a “thinking of you” card the next month. Mark your calendar to remember to stay in touch. Don’t let your hurting friend fall between the cracks of your busy life. Good friends are rare – and well worth the extra effort.

[Show #377]

Salute to Young Moms

Backstory

With the added duties of sudden home-schooling and the need for daily creative eat-ins, moms have a right to be harried this year. Take time though, to celebrate the magic of motherhood. You have the ability to make it all better. And you do. Thanks for all that.

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Salute to Young Moms- #292

It’s so difficult to be a young mother today. There are so many restraints that require concern and worry. The media’s emphasis on negative happenings can convince you there’s a boogie man around every corner.

How do you teach children to be open and sociable and yet wary of strangers at the same time? Outside forces are influencing your children and they seem to get exposed to less gentle things so very early.

Yet in most families here in the country there is a loving young mother doing her best to counteract the downsides: to make life safe and sweet and secure.; to assure that her children know that they are loved and the benefits of being good, obedient, and respectful.

It’s hard to know how much of an impression you are making. But you know what, don’t stop. Kids learn the lessons you are teaching. They learn from the examples you set by what you do and say. It will serve them well in the years ahead when they have hard choices to make. You are setting their moral compass, and that’s never easy.

To those young mothers, accept this salute for the fine job you are doing as you juggle home, job, volunteering, and most of all caring for your children in helping them to grow and prosper, meeting each day’s challenge.

Thanks for all you do young moms. Never give up. We are counting on you.

P.S.

Young mothers often don’t recognize that there is help available if they are overwhelmed. Moms groups, adoptive grandparents, girls and boys clubs, scouts, church groups, local parks & rec activities and social agencies are worth looking into. They could provide what is needed to get you to the next step.

[Show #292]

Moms and the Calamity

Backstory

This tribute to moms was first written in 2014. The enthusiastic response to this story made it a favorite, often featured in May. This year, the ode to motherly magic is more relevant and deserved than ever. Kudos to the biological moms, the grandmothers acting as moms and all the women accepting maternal duties and privileges, for whatever reason. This tribute is for you.

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Moms and the Calamity- #287

This show is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors . . . and for all the mom who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games so they could SHARE that magic moment with their kids.

This is for the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store, and for those who count to ten instead. It’s for the moms who go hungry, so their children can eat. For those who read “Goodnight, Moon” twice a night for a year . . . and then read it again, “Just one more time.”

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school . . . . and for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead. This show celebrates the moms who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot. This for the mothers who gave birth to babies they’ll never see . . . .and the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls “Mom” in a crowd, even though they know their own kids are at home …. or away at college . . . . or have their own families.

Mom is the one who provides a soft landing – no matter how old her children are. Thank goodness moms come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. Thank goodness moms are there.

P.S.

By now, moms are tired. They have comforted, encouraged, entertained and sympathized with disappointment for weeks now. Your efforts are helping every family member to make it through, Mom. It may not seem appreciated now, but in the future, when they look back at this time, they will remember your courage, determination and resilience. Even when things get tense, you manage to regroup and endure. You are awesome.

[Show #287]

One Word

Backstory

The words you choose define you. But what if you were only allowed one word to describe someone. How would you choose just one?

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One Word – #614

At my surprise birthday party, they did something you might want to consider if you are arranging a celebration. It’s appropriate for a birthday, wedding, any special occasion where dozens of people are gathered.

Guests were advised, in advance, that at the party, they would be asked to say one word that describes the honoree. No speeches; just one word.

With 70 people at my party, there were a lot of words. It was delightful, funny and sometimes slightly embarrassing to hear the word each person chose. It was also extremely personal, conjuring up a special connection with each person.

My daughter and her daughter jotted them all down. I thought that was nice because I’d have the words on paper too. But my granddaughter had something else in mind.

She input all the words to the computer and used her digital skills to create a graphic using each of the words that had been spoken by the guests.

What a precious memento Krista created. The framed graphic sits on my bookcase where I see it often and smile. And on a rainy day, or when I’m feeling inadequate, I read those words and feel lifted by the love they convey.

Thanks to every person who has ever spoken or written a kind or gentle word to someone else. You have given a gift far greater than you can imagine, especially when it’s remembered on a rainy day.

P.S.

Sharing a happy thought, giving a complement, gifting someone with a smile. It only takes a moment to execute and it can make someone else’s day. That would be nice.

[Show #614]

Told to Donate Blood

Backstory

It was a trying time for the whole family. One child desperately ill, the other anxious beyond words to help his little sister. Then he found out he could help.

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Told to Donate Blood – #169

Betsy was just a little girl. She suffered from a rare and serious disease.

She desperately needed a blood transfusion and her five-year-old brother was the right blood type. The doctor explained that what they were going to do and asked the little boy if he would agree to give his blood to his sister. Looking lovingly at little Betsy, he replied, “Yes. I’ll do it if it will save her.”

As the transfusion progressed the little boy was happy to see smiles on his parents faces as they looked at the color return to the little girl’s cheeks. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a tiny trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”

Well, the doctor was taken aback. Then he realized, the child thought he was being asked to give all his blood. He was willing to die to save his sister.

Unconditional love. It’s all around us. Sometimes more visible than other times.

P.S.

It doesn’t necessarily take such a dramatic incident for unconditional love to surface. It shows when care giving requires repetitive work, and it’s done with patience and smiles, yet again. It shines through endless lunch sandwich making or vegetable slicing or encouragement about squeaky, off-key notes during practice. It’s all unconditional love, probably unrecognized but hopefully appreciated, even if not for years to come.

[Show #169]

Mom’s Wedding Hat

Edited 1-19-20

Backstory – Mom’s Wedding Hat

Out in the country where we live, auctions have always been a big deal. You never know what to expect. You may find treasures offered – or collections of mayonnaise jars. There could be dozens of locals and household items go for pennies on the dollar – or the city folk may have poured in, raising bids beyond affordable.

In years past, auction items would be displayed on farm wagons, with bidders standing around. Then the auctions were brought into large buildings, with chairs for all the bidders. Sometimes you’d shake your head over the prices paid.

We went to auctions to furnish our weekend farm house. We were in the market for virtually everything. Then, over time, we filled out our home and no longer needed the basics. Then the auction became more of an entertainment. We looked for something unusual or enticing, rather than something we needed.

That’s the state we were in when I went to the auction that is the subject of this week’s story. Didn’t need anything; just watching for something I might want or enjoy. Boy did I find it! Please listen in and hear what happened.

Consider This Show – Mom’s Wedding Hat

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There it is, on the auction block; the exact replica of the hat my mom wore on her wedding day in 1936. I want that hat!

The auctioneer is selling a trike first. Some fortunate kid will see it in the morning and tonight, it will cost his parent only $5 . . . No, $10 . . . No – OMG it’s up to $25. Well, you just never know.

Ok, here comes the wedding hat. I have to be careful not to overbid and not to let someone else get it.

It’s very distinctive. Lots of veiling and feathers. And such good shape. Old, but obviously box-kept – sort of like a car that is garage-kept.

Well the suspense is now building. My heart is racing. I just HAVE to be sure the auctioneer sees my bid. I want that hat!

He is starting the bid at $50. Way too much for me. No wait, there are no takers at the high bid. The auctioneer is down to $20 . . . now $10. OK – I bid. $5. Hold my breath. The auctioneer asks for a bid of $7.50. None comes. Going once, going twice . . . OMG, I got the hat. It is mine!

My piece of family history, come to life. Wait ‘til I tell . . . everyone.

P.S.
Nothing like the thrill of winning – especially when it only costs you five bucks!

[Show #370]

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