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words

Trigger Words

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Do you ever feel an emotion bubble up unexpectedly in response to certain words or situations? Here’s one that I recognized.

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Trigger Words – #460

Did you ever notice that there are “trigger words” that make people angry?

A Wall Street Journal study shows that the word “never” generally elicits a bad reaction. Think about it. Have you heard the word “never” used in a positive way?  The word “always” also elicits a negative reaction.

These words are absolutes and they generally don’t work well. Especially when giving feedback. I have a rule for not using, “never” or “always” in an argument. My reason is because either word is rarely the truth.

When you accuse the other person of always doing this, or never doing that, you’re conjuring up all the negatives they have ever committed, rather than dealing with the issue at hand.

A controversial trigger these days is the “compliment sandwich.” Someone wants you to improve, so they give you a compliment, throw in a criticism and end with another compliment. Many swear by the “compliment sandwich.” Others say that people see right through it and consider the compliments insincere.

As one critic wrote, “There are plenty of ways of politely discussing a problem that won’t involve insults and eye rolling. But don’t waste my time with half-hearted niceties that disguise your true concern.”

So now that you know the words that trigger anger, or suggest insincerity be sure you “never” ever use them again.

P.S.

OK, maybe my ending was not too subtle – using the word I promised not to.  But that IS the message.  How often do we have an intention that’s not met with our action? Good exercise to consider the words or happenings that trigger your negative responses and practice a more reasonable response.  Yes, it can be done.  Especially if it will make things better for someone you love.

[Show #460]

Filed Under: Inspiration/Life Lessons, Podcast Episodes, Words Tagged With: anger, praise, words

Beautiful Words

beautiful words
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I started thinking about beautiful words. I wrote out phrases that I love to hear and wanted to share them with you. Then I Googled “beautiful words,” to see if anyone concurred with me.

Dictionary maker Robert Beard presented his hundred most beautiful words in the English language. They included bungalow…bucolic…demure… effervescent and propinquity. Lyrical words, to be sure, but none of them were on my list.

My favorite words are the ones that evoke strong emotions or memories or make me immediately give thanks. I love you … I’m OK…You look beautiful… Sweet dreams, Mommy. Now THOSE are beautiful words.

I also enjoy words that become a private family vocabulary. My family still refers to a theater where you watch the screen from your car as a DRAGON, instead of a drive-in. That’s what my young sister thought it was. How many families still refer to those long noodles as pasgetti instead of spaghetti, because it conjures up memories of a youngster’s precious mispronunciation.

Words spoken with old country flavor bring back loving memories. The Polish grandmother whose pat on the child’s head was accompanied by the phrase, “Gooda boy.”

Think of your own personal beautiful words…and enjoy the inevitable, private smile they create.

[Show #448]

Filed Under: Beauty, Podcast Episodes, Words Tagged With: words

What You Say Matters

what you say matters
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My guy and I were just reminiscing about childhood.  We were sharing incidents we still remember, half a century later.  Why do certain things stick out so?

He recalled a 7th grade teacher who showed him how to study and the benefits of learning. OK. That was a game changer.

But we also each recalled tiny incidents that should have been long forgotten, but were not.

My mom was rushed to finish a frock she was sewing for me.  I was 8 years old.  She put the dress on me to sew the final stitches, decided she didn’t have time and said she was going to hold the last stitch together with a safety pin.  In her hurry, she stuck the pin right into me. It hurt – but not THAT much.  Why do I still remember that silly incident?

I’ve mentioned before – the green imitation leather shoulder bag given to me by my aunt.  It was an absolute treasure because it was woman size, when I had to grow quite a bit to get to that stage.  I identified her as the first person in the world who realized that I was growing up and no longer a kid – even if the shoulder bag did hang down to my knees when I wore it.

Realize that YOU are making impressions like that on the young people in your life.  You are saying things, and sharing experiences that people will remember a half century later. Yes, what you say matters. Be sure that what they remember is something good – or at least something funny.

[Show #497]

Filed Under: Advice, Parenting/Children, Podcast Episodes, Words Tagged With: children, parenting, words

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