marriage

Because She Loves Him

Backstory

This is a story you will relate to if you have been married for a long time. If not, let it be some good advice to assure that your marriage lasts a long time.

It’s about dealing with one of those things that maddens you about your partner. You know the kind of thing. It’s totally insignificant, in the big picture. No, it will not matter, five years from now. And yet you wish against wish that he just would not do that, or that she would remember to do that.

Isn’t it funny; the things we choose over which to get upset? It could be an issue left over from childhood. It could be a reminder of an embarrassing incident or one that you would rather forget. Could be something that goes against your values to the point where you want to explode.

Seems the woman in our story came up with an even better idea. See if you agree with her strategy.

Because She Loves Him

They were leaving that day for a few weeks in Florida. The wife had made her lists, put her stuff together, had check marks on just about everything on the list, and was ready to go.

The husband . . . well, he was still deciding which fishing poles to take. The car had not gotten washed as he planned and not everyone was informed of what was expected of them while the couple was away.

She could find it maddening. Why hadn’t he spent his time doing his share? She could yell . . . Bang around . . . Scold him and put him down.

Instead, she went and read a book, ignoring the sounds of his hustling. You see, she loves him. And she found out years ago that he is who he is. And not being ready on time is one of his traits. She could hate it and fight it or she could find a way to cope.

So she stretches the truth a bit, telling him they have to leave at noon, when the actual ETD is 2 p.m. She knows that with a few extra hours, he’ll almost be ready. She’ll then gently remind those things he was most likely to forget, and they’ll be on their way – perhaps a little late but happy.

Sounds like a 1950’s sitcom strategy. But it works, because she loves him enough to accept him as he is and to be a managing partner, when necessary.

What a wise woman. A master at turning lemons into lemonade. This is the essence of love.

P.S. This story explored strategies to handle the frustration. What do you do about it? Talk it through? Holler and throw dishes? Get angry and sulk? None of those is known to result in positive outcomes. So maybe you take up kickboxing or pull out your Crayolas and adult coloring book, or hire a therapist.

[Show #265]

The Annoying Husband

Backstory

A friend started telling about recent hassles with her husband. She referenced numerous irritating habits and grievances. Once she started looking at him through fresh eyes, things changed dramatically.

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The Annoying Husband – #644

How about that husband of yours? Sure gets on your nerves at times, doesn’t he? You get annoyed by some of the things he does. And what’s really frustrating are the things he doesn’t do.

Lots of promises, no action. Reminds me of the joke, “When a man says he will do something, he will do it. He does not need to be reminded every six months.”

Well, you can go ahead and be annoyed, or you could take a different look at it. Those things that annoy you, do they really matter?

There are millions of people yearning for a life companion and they can’t find one. Ask how fussy they would be about perfection, if they had a person who loved them, who they could talk to and share with.

Next time you are busy getting annoyed, think about the way he makes you feel; he way you feel when you look at him, or hug him, or watch him with your children.

Are you overlooking the good points and dwelling on the needy? Maybe a change of your attitude would make a difference. If you love him, be sure to tell him today. Right now. Give him a break from complaints – voiced or thought of. Substitute loving acceptance and see what happens. Could make life happier for you both.

Something to consider.

P.S.

There’s also a simple approach that can positively affect the family culture too. Introduce frequent use of “please” and “thank you.” It even works on teenagers – sometimes.

[Show #644]

A Friend’s Advice

Backstory

It makes me so happy to share this story with you. I think you will hear the joy in my voice when you listen. My dear friend Joan was the catalyst for a life-changing decision. I am so grateful to her for speaking up. But you’ll find out for yourself.

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A Friend’s Advice – #640

In a recent story, I told how my friend Joan had encouraged me to let Bill put a ring on it. I was hesitant and she pointed out that time was passing and each day was one we could have enjoyed as husband and wife. She said, “You don’t want to run out of time!”

She was right, so I said to Bill, “About getting married, you want to do it now?” Like in time travelers, we were suddenly signing papers at the courthouse.

I called Joan and said, “On Friday, are you willing to drop everything and come be a witness at our wedding?”

She agreed in half a second. So I got three other dear friends and there we were in front of an officiant, in the presence of God, saying our home made vows.

Bill was asked, “Do you take Annette . . .” and he responded with a really fast “yes,” before hearing the rest of the question. He was oh so ready to be a husband.

It was joyous, it was simple, it was fast and it was meant to be. Our home is full of love and each day is precious. And it happened because my friend Joan took the initiative to encourage us to see what was right before our eyes.

We should all be thankful for friends whose advice and guidance help us make better decisions in life.

P.S.

We are now two years into this new married relationship. Joan was so right. It does indeed make a difference. It feels solid and firm; like it’s real, rather than just playing house. Whatever the future holds, we are there for each other. Trust, respect and love abound. So much deeper, now that it involves the commitment of a husband to his wife and the wife to him.

[Show #640]

What Are You Waiting For?

Backstory

It didn’t happen just like that. There was a lot leading up to it. Joan had been in the presence of my fiancé and me for years – on vacations, on outings and at home. She was a careful observer. Now, it turns out, she was about to become a tentative adviser as well.

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What Are You Waiting For? – #639

What are you waiting for? That’s what Joan asked me. She had sat me down and said we had to have a serious talk. Bill and I had been engaged for some eight years. When I accepted his engagement ring, we both considered ourselves committed, one to the other. And that was that.

But Joan, who had been married for decades, pointed out that there is a difference.

She pointed out that my fiancé had never been married. She believed he would thrive in the status of being husband to a wife he loved. She wisely pointed out that we were not getting any younger. But I just saw no need for a big event and a lot of hoopla and spending money and bothering people to come together to celebrate. At our age, it seemed anti-climactic.

That’s when she took my hand and gave me her best advice. She said, “You are talking about the wedding. I am talking about being married. It’s two very different things.”

She pointed out that every day that passed was a day that we were not enjoying the definitive commitment, the ultimate allegiance. She said we owed it to each other to experience that. She strongly advised that I allow Bill to put the other ring on it.

I took to heart, everything she said. And decided she was right.

P.S.

Joan had said that seeing Bill happily married was on her bucket list – something she wanted to see happen before her time was up. She had known him for some 30 years. Long before I was on the scene. She was so pleased to check that off her bucket list. Another item on the list was a trip to Tuscany. She marked that one off too. She died in her sleep, the day after her return.

[Show #639]

Married

Backstory

“You’ve got to write about it,” said one listener. “I’ll be watching for the story,” said another. So now that the decisiveness of marriage has sunk in, I decided to fill the requests and tell you how the man finally got me to the altar, after eight years of keeping him waiting. It is this week’s story.

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Married – #640

She was right, so I said to Bill, “About getting married, you want to do it now?” Like in time travelers, we were suddenly signing papers at the courthouse.

I called Joan and said, “On Friday, are you willing to drop everything and come be a witness at our wedding?”

She agreed in half a second. So did three other dear friends and there we were in front of an officiant, in the presence of God, saying our home made vows.

Bill was asked, “Do you take Annette . . .” and he responded with a really fast “yes,” before hearing the rest of the question. He was oh so ready to be a husband.

We should all be thankful for friends whose advice and guidance help us make better decisions in life.

P.S.

It was never that I didn’t want to be married. It’s just that everything was going along just fine. We had eight years with nary a bad day. There did not seem to be any need for improvement. But when I see the joy in his eyes when he calls me his wife. . . when I feel his sense of protection as my husband . . . Oh yes, this wedding was a good idea, Joan.

[Show #640]