Love and Kindness

How’s Your World?

Backstory

After months of cloister and self-inflicted hugless, distant interactions, can we still have moments of joy? How does it look when you take an inventory of your blessings?

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How’s Your World? – #618

I want to ask you something. Regardless of the troubles of the world, how is YOUR world? The one you live in, every day, where you work and eat and sleep and laugh.

Are your kids clean and healthy? Are they learning or earning? Is there a roof over your head? Are your parents taken care of? Is there food on your table and clean water coming out of your spigot?

If so, you are far more fortunate than many. And that means you have much for which to give thanks.

This country has served you well, In providing a place where you could learn and work and live freely. Whatever your degree of prosperity, if you look inward, you can usually smile and nod “OK.”

So although we can complain that the world is not as good as it should be, let’s also celebrate the freedoms and rights we enjoy. Instead of asking for more, let’s give thanks for what we have and what we have had.

Then, let’s think about ways to give back as our act of thanks. Provide a kind word today. Donate something to a good cause. Use your God-given talents – for free. Teach something. Forgive someone. Share a smile. Give someone you love an extra hug and two compliments.

Life is good – even though sometimes, we need a reminder.

P.S.

People have been so creative about giving back, during this pandemic lock-down. What have you done? Sew masks? Participate in car caravans? Send a weekly check to the cleaning person even though she could not come and clean? It all matters. It all counts. And on Tuesday, give back by casting your vote and having your voice heard.

[Show #618]

Losing Love

Backstory

Heading into retirement years, many of my friends have now led several different lives – more than one marriage, multiple careers, cultures in different parts of the country or the world. Included in their decades of living is loss. Yet they seem to have recovered and moved on. They told me how it works.

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Losing Love #167

The county song says that unanswered prayers may be our greatest blessing. That’s hard to swallow when you lose love. But whether it disappears, dies, or is dismissed, losing love is painful. The only saving grace is to learn from the lesson and apply it, the next time around.

Why did love go wrong? So often, that question is answered by pointing fingers. But if we look deeply into our hearts and souls, we might find important factors.

Sometimes we love too much and it’s smothering. Sometimes we miss the cues for what’s important to the other person. The saddest mistake is when we revert to bad behavior. We’re determined to never do that again and it comes out, just the same.

Should you lose love, at least don’t lose the lesson. Keep it to improve, the next time love comes your way.

P.S.

Recognize the different types of love that surround you. Romantic love is nice. But don’t underestimate the practical love of friends who are there for you. Great warmth can come from your grandchildren or somebody else’s grandkids. Volunteers find love and satisfaction in the service they perform. If you’ve lost love, stay open to all kinds of fresh new love.

[Show #167]

Trigger Words

Backstory

Do you ever feel an emotion bubble up unexpectedly in response to certain words or situations? Here’s one that I recognized.

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Trigger Words – #460

Did you ever notice that there are “trigger words” that make people angry?

A Wall Street Journal study shows that the word “never” generally elicits a bad reaction. Think about it. Have you heard the word “never” used in a positive way? The word “always” also elicits a negative reaction.

These words are absolutes and they generally don’t work well. Especially when giving feedback. I have a rule for not using, “never” or “always” in an argument. My reason is because either word is rarely the truth.

When you accuse the other person of always doing this, or never doing that, you’re conjuring up all the negatives they have ever committed, rather than dealing with the issue at hand.

A controversial trigger these days is the “compliment sandwich.” Someone wants you to improve, so they give you a compliment, throw in a criticism and end with another compliment. Many swear by the “compliment sandwich.” Others say that people see right through it and consider the compliments insincere.

As one critic wrote, “There are plenty of ways of politely discussing a problem that won’t involve insults and eye rolling. But don’t waste my time with half-hearted niceties that disguise your true concern.”

So now that you know the words that trigger anger, or suggest insincerity be sure you “never” ever use them again.

P.S.

OK, maybe my ending was not too subtle – using the word I promised not to. But that IS the message. How often do we have an intention that’s not met with our action? Good exercise to consider the words or happenings that trigger your negative responses and practice a more reasonable response. Yes, it can be done. Especially if it will make things better for someone you love.

[Show #460]

New Friends

Backstory – New Friends

I have this habit of twisting my hair when I’m thinking. Catching myself doing it one day, I started wondering if that annoys anyone. And out of that thought, came this story.

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New Friends – #361

Remember what it was like as a kid to make a new friend? The tentative moves toward each other and the total delight when you each found in the other, something you enjoyed and wanted to repeat.

Of course adults have many more facets than children – a lifetime of experiences… political opinions… habits and preferred behaviors.

We recently met a couple with whom we had a lot in common. We enjoyed their company except for one habit they had. We discussed whether that was a deal breaker or whether we wanted to be their friends nonetheless. We decided the latter.

So when they behave in that odd way, we just shrug and say, “That’s our friends being who they are.” Then we move on to the next fun time we enjoy with them.

Compromise? Sure. But how do we know that they are not compromising with some behavior that we exhibit. They may be kindheartedly tolerating us in the same small degree that we are them.

Another thing we learned from childhood is not to resent their having other friends. We need not do everything together or see everything in the same light. To hear an opposing view from someone we respect may just open our minds to new truths and preferences.

If their hearts are pure and we share the same values and principles, the friendship is probably worth nurturing.

P.S.

Have you made enjoy-in-person new friends through social media? Or do you find that digital friends remain in that venue?

[Show #361]

Using Your Gifts

Backstory

If you love what you do for a living, you will never work a day in your life. I have found that to be so true. It happens when you use the gifts you were given.

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Using Your Gift – #637

What’s it all about? Why are we put here on this earth? What is expected of us?

There comes a time in life when you start asking those questions and looking for answers. I have. Perhaps you have too.

Each of us have been given different gifts and I believe we are expected to use them to make the world a better place. Some of us can affect things on a global scale, others have little influence beyond our own kitchen. But I think we fulfill our destiny when we figure out our God-given gifts and use them daily for the better good.

God didn’t impart them to you just to hang around. He expects you to use them. Whether you are playing the piano, crocheting afghans, tending flowers, curing diseases, or kissing children good night. You do it very well.

You may be the organizer, or the one who comes up with the good ideas. Or the one who moves things from discussion to action. Your gift may be that you can give of your time, or your money.

Choose the big world or your small intimate world and go make it a better place. It’s expected of you and it pleases God when you do.

I like what Maya Angelou said about this, “My mission in life is not merely to survive but to thrive and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

P.S.

My jobs have always involved writing, composing, presenting thoughts to the world. I was sure my children appreciated the intellectual significance of what I create at that keyboard. Then I heard someone ask my son what I do for a living. He responded, “She types.”

[Show #637]

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