Memories and Aging Well

I Was In Her Prayer Book

(Updated)

Back Story –

I sat there in the car, outside the hospice. This could have been the last time I would ever see her. And indeed, it was. Yet something she told me has stuck with me for lo the many years that have passed, since that visit.

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I was In Her Prayer Book – #419

I was in her Prayer book. What a surprise that was. I had gone to visit someone I used to work with. We had lost touch and I found out she was very ill, so I went to see her. That’s when I found out that all those years, I had been in her prayer book. I had benefited from the entreaties she made to God asking Him to protect and guide me. What a revelation that was!

Then a friend told me just recently, “On 9/11, when there was such chaos from the terrorist attacks, I checked on my daughter and then I checked on you.” Again I was moved. Such an important role to play in someone’s life without even being aware of it.

And so it is in YOUR life. There are people you have helped, or influenced or just spoken to, over time, who remember you; relate to what you said, have been moved by you and what you stand for. They recall their time with you. There are portions of their behavior or their way of thinking or smiling that you helped to form.

What an important role we play with each other. It’s why we have to make every word count. Make every word bring something positive to someone else. You never know what effect you may have on someone. Be sure it’s always something for the better.

P.S.

Was there ever a time when the opposite happened? Someone was hurt or wounded or demeaned by something you said? Best to fix it – sooner rather than later.

Show #419

Bring Back Yesterday

(Updated)

Backstory

This story was written after lunching with friends where the main topic of discussion seemed to be “the good ole days.” It’s not unusual to hear such conversations among those of retirement age. But this was a young group – folks in their 40s and 50s. Already they were considering previous times an improvement to current times. It got me thinking these thoughts.

Bring Back Yesterday #321

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Henry Herman is quoted as saying, back in the 1800s – “Oh God, put back the universe and give me yesterday. “

Those who have traveled half a dozen decades or more do seem to value their yesterday’s more than their tomorrows. Their yesterdays, it would seem, were better …sweeter . . . simpler . . . less demanding.

It was a time of sitting on the dock, watching the clouds go by: of walking down the lane, hand in hand; a time without troubles or concerns. Or perhaps those yesterdays are just the result of selective memory.

They also have tales of having to walk five miles to school, uphill both ways!

Of course, TODAY is the yesterday that our kids will remember. How will this time be reflected in their memory? Will they remember too many toys . . . too many demands . . . time disappearing into a texting telephone?

What can we do, to make today a joyful memory for them? They probably won’t remember who had the biggest toy or the designer book bag.

My guess is that they’ll remember who made them feel good, and why.

Make sure you are part of those happy memories for the youngsters in your life.

[Show #321]

P.S.

What happens when you apply a reality check to your yesterdays? Here’s hoping that you find laughter, lessons learned, happy memories and legitimate nostalgia. Now on to creating tomorrow’s memories, today.

Bridges In Life Planning

Backstory

When I wrote the Christmas story book last year, several book signings were sponsored. It was such fun to meet neighbors and radio fans and friends who came out to support my journalistic endeavor. I also got to speak to groups like the Rotary Club about the book and how it came about. It reminded me of a talk given previously about bridges in life planning. Here’s that story.

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Bridges In Life Planning- #09

I had the privilege of talking with folks up at the Basye Library. As part of their lecture series, we were talking about Bridges in Life Planning – all the decisions that need to be made, when we get to be 60 or 65 or 70. We talked about keeping control of your life, for as long as possible; appreciating the input of others but valuing your own alternatives as well.

There were many opinions about just how much say adult children should have, once parents are up in years. There seemed to be general agreement that older folks have the right to decide how they want to spend their retirement income – as conservatively or as flamboyantly as they wish.

We discussed leaving a legacy of love and integrity and values and how that can be much more important than a trust fund.

We talked about the kinds of people you want to be with and those you don’t want in your life, in later years, and making those decisions for yourself.

It was a spirited discussion. We all learned something about ourselves and each other.

Perhaps the best suggestion came from one man who pointed out, more than anything else, be sure you are still having fun! Never stop having fun.

P.S.

Independence and control. Americans like us are brought up on those principles. We expect to keep them, even as we age. The bridge to a place where we have less independence and control is therefore a hard one to traverse. If you are the adult child, understand your parents’ wishes. If you are the parents, understand that giving over control to someone you love is the easiest way to cross the bridge. Trust, love and understanding. They are each badly needed at this time.

[Show #09]

Incorrect

Backstory

I had just concluded another shouting match with my computer, one sided though it was, over whether my password was correct. Surely my steel-trap mind was more accurate than this arrogant pile of desktop technology.

Well, I guess not. So I forgot that dot in the middle, or the exclamation point looked like a capital I. Surely there could be a little forgiveness.

Not in my digital world – or yours. Out of this frustration came today’s story of abject disillusion with the complexities of our modern world.

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Incorrect- #453

It was a cartoon that circulated on the Internet. One elderly lady is saying to the other, “Mildred, my memory sucks these days. So when I’m on the internet and it asks me to choose a password, I choose the word – INCORRECT. Then when I can’t remember my password, the computer will tell me, ‘Your password is INCORRECT.’ “

Well, I’m not too sure that will work. But it sure is a challenge to remember all those user names and passwords. I would use the same one so I could remember them all, But of course the gurus are horrified at that concept for security reasons.

Even if I wanted to, it seems that each website has a different set of rules. So many letters, so many numbers.

I have a list of passwords an arm long – but of course I dare not tell you where I keep it. That’s such a good secret that I sometimes I forget its location myself.

And how about those codes you have to type in to prove you are a human. Most of the time, I can’t make them out, let alone type them in.

Remember back when you communicated by dialing numbers on a phone? Today, they give classes – beginner and advanced – to teach you how to use your smart phone. How smart can it be if I need hours of instructions just to figure it out?

Will things EVER be simple again?

P.S.

I wonder if Mildred’s friend ever got to use “INCORRECT” as her password. Going on to another of our digital world’s miracles, I saw a reminder of how we defriended fellow classmates when we were in high school. You scratched their face out of your class yearbook. That was back when things were – SIMPLE.

[Show #453]

Age of Maturity

Backstory

What is life all about? Writing the Consider This shows, I think about that. I watch out for what others are saying; sometimes the sages, sometimes wise old folks, sometimes innocent youngsters. One of my favorite musers of life is poet and memoirist Maya Angelou. You will find her quoted in this week’s story.

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Age of Maturity – #635

I’ve been trying to figure out if I have reached the age of maturity. What is that age? I believe it to be the point at which one is still young enough to perform, but is much more resourceful.

In the eyes of youth, there glows a flame. In the eyes of maturity, there shines a light. It’s a status earned by the baby boomers. Seems to apply to folks in their sixties and seventies who still have the vigor, if not the stamina. We are more accepting, less relentless. You might say we go from passion to compassion.

When you’re past 60, there are fewer things that we think are absurd. We’ve seen it all – or so we think – until the next mind-blowing occurrence reminds us that we are still in the game.

One thing we have learned for sure – nothing passes by as quickly as the years.

Things change as time passes.

Young people travel in groups; adults travel in pairs; old people walk alone.

The point of it all is to LIVE those years, not just accumulate them.

I like the way Maya Angelou put it. She said, “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

P.S.

Maya Angelou was quoted in this week’s story. Here is another of her quotes that obviously comes from a state of delightful maturity. She said, I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Amen.

[Show #635]

Change

Backstory

It seemed to be taking place all around me. Kids moving back with their parents . . . mother carried off to a nursing home . . . a widow heading west . . . a bachelor heading east. . . a classmate moving to Ireland. . . someone asking about moving in here. Lives used to be all neat and tidy – and suddenly everything is changing. It motivated me to write this story.

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Change – #345

We have several friends who have had to change their living location in the last year. It’s been such an experience, to see how they acclimated to their new environment.

One elderly gentleman decided his home on the mountain was just too much responsibility. He listed out the tasks that needed to be done to live in his house. He decided that most of them, he no longer enjoyed doing.

He carefully reviewed assisted living facilities, went to visit several, decided on one and moved in. He now lives in the nursing home portion, quiet and content. He can do for himself all that his efficient new setting requires.

He still enjoys all the daily activities he liked, such as dining with friends, reading the newspaper, playing cards and watching sports. He says he brought the best of his world with him and left behind the things he had outgrown.

Another friend retired and moved across the country to be near her only daughter. But daughter has a career and a life and little time to spend with mom. My friend wound up moving back and even getting her old job back. Retirement did not suit her nearly as much as a busy workday.

She prospered in a setting where she had respect and appreciation.

I’ve learned from these friends – not to be afraid to change things…

And not to be afraid to go back, if it doesn’t work out.

P.S.

I started analyzing all the options open for when it’s my turn to change. Guess what? Can’t do it. Somehow I have not found the crystal ball that tells me what will be needed by me or my loved ones or those around me. I can’t begin to guess what it will cost and whether there will be bingo or pot parties or midnight skinny dipping. So, just like the rest of us, I will wait and try to make good decisions while the universe determines my future. I just hope it does it with panache.

[Show #345]

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