Memories and Aging Well

Instant Family

Backstory

Photos are used to memorialize big events in our lives. We look at the image and conjure up the event and the people and the happenstance. Hopefully it was a happy time that brings smiles to our lips.

But what happens to the memories when the photos are gone? When there is no one left who treasures them or wants to keep them lovingly in a book or box or locket. We explore that phenomenon in today’s story.

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Instant Family – #352

We were at an estate auction recently, An elderly lady had died and the contents of her house were being disposed of. Kind of a sad event – watching the accumulations of a lifetime on the auction block.

It is particularly poignant to see family photos in frames going to the stranger with the highest bid. Pictures that sing of memories of a life lived.

Are there children who didn’t want these photos? Is there no one left behind who would care about the smiles of the children on the back of the farm wagon? Or the youthful grin of the boy and his dog? Or the sweeping elegance of the bride in the photo dated 1923?

One auctioneer joked while justifying bids for a box of photos – “Instant family – right here.” A dealer bought that box. He will sort through the photos and put the best ones on display in his shop.

He’ll hope to find something valuable in there. But he’ll pass over dozens of photos that had value, once, to someone.

Perhaps the fact that “things” are being auctioned off is insignificant. The furniture and tools and souvenirs and quilts didn’t make this person’s life,

The memories represented by those photos did.

Looks like it was a good life. I hope so.

P.S.

Photos disappear. Memories fade. So how DOES one create immortality? Perhaps it all comes back to one of my favorite quotes of Maya Angelou:
“At the end of the day, people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”

[Show #352]

Retirement – A Second Chance

Backstory – Retirement

Looking around at retired friends, I marveled at how active and involved they are. No rocking chair sitters, these. Taking a better look, I thought about what an opportunity retirement is to reinvent yourself. That thought inspired this week’s show.

Consider This Show – Second Chance

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Second Chance – #621

You know what’s great about retirement? It gives you a second chance at having an authentic life.

Thank goodness baby boomers are strong and healthy, well into their sixties, seventies and even their eighties – something our grandparents could not even wish for. They were tired at 50 and spent at 60. That’s not the case today.

So when folks retire, they have a second chance to have an authentic life, if it didn’t work for them the first time around. And they have the wisdom of experience, to enhance their success.

I have many friends who are enjoying a new authentic life, since retirement.

A non-profit executive from NYC – opened a flower shop in California, something she had always wanted to do.
A retired nurse became a care-giver.
A retired public speaker started writing a 90 second radio show. You’re listening to it right now.
A physicist started studying the Russian language. He traveled to Moscow to test his linguistic skills. There he found access to opera and ballet at the price of a box lunch in NYC. He keeps going back for more.

Whether your work life was authentic or not, in retirement, you could start out on a new path, if you want.

Psychologist Carl Jung told us, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” And life after retirement offers that privilege, a second time around.

[Show #621]

Evening

Backstory – Evening

Retirement, with all its opportunities, can also lead to a life that is quieter, safer, softer. Can that lead to boredom? That was the concern of my beloved, when retirement was new to me and well experienced by him. This is the conversation we had about that.

Consider This Show – Evening

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We were sitting on the porch, watching the early evening clouds change color as sunset approached. He turned to me and asked, “Do you enjoy sitting here quietly, just taking it all in?” He referred to the mountains that rose from the other side of the road…the flowers in the swaying trees…the birds twittering happily in the evening shadows. “Sometimes I wonder if this is too staid for you,” he added.

How could I possibly express to him, all it meant to sit next to him and take in the daily miracles that so often go unnoticed in our hurried world. To hear the sounds of nature instead of the ringing of the house phone, the office phone, the cell phone. To sit there knowing this is the final destination of the day. No more need to wedge my way into the traffic and claim my share of blacktop to get me home. The most peaceful time of day when my heart sings and my hand touching his is divinely intimate. It is the essence of every love song.

“This is my favorite part,” I shared softly, tears of joy gathering in my eyes.

And I believe he understood everything expressed by those few little words.

[Show #198]

Song from the 80’s – Make Things Better

Backstory – Song from the 80’s – Make Things Better

We were listening to the songs from half a century ago, played by Craig Orndorff on Old Time Radio. Then songs from the 1980s came on. There seemed to be a thread through much of the music. Artists sang about the troubles of the time and how they needed to be fixed. Here we were, 30, 40 or 50 years later. Were those things fixed? Are we able to sing of the joy and sweetness of conquering the challenges? Asking those questions led to the story featured this week. Please listen in.

Consider This Show – Song from the 80’s – Make Things Better

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A song from the 1980s came out of the radio today; one of those oldies but goodies where you know every word and sing along. The lyrics were about how we simply HAVE to make things change for the better.

The words of the song applied today as eloquently as they did thirty years ago. How sad! Have we learned nothing from our experience?

Our values and preferences contain so many opposing views. Whatever suits one group infuriates another. We can’t seem to come together. Compromise seems out of the question.

We need leadership to bring us all back to a place where there is hope, because our current actions are tearing us apart.

What a challenge. Are we up to the task? Who will step in to take the lead? Will it fall into place after the next election? Or will it take someone somewhere speaking up to go viral and give a wakeup call that is heard around the globe?

Of course, our fear is that the wakeup will be a tragic event that could have been prevented if we had only heeded the words of the songs of the 1980s . . . or 90s . . or those that were sung at the turn of the century.

Or will the songs we sing today be the mantra of the next generation, and will they wonder why the words were never heeded?

[Show #616]

Elder Sayings

Backstory – Elder Sayings

As the years have vanished, I realize how different the aging process is today, compared to how it took a toll on my mom and her mom. Take this incident, for example.

My grandmother stepped off the bus. I was just barely a teenager and was hanging out on that corner with some of my friends. She headed home, up the hill. It was early evening and far from my curfew so I stayed with my friends. After a few minutes, I heard her calling me. I was surprised and responded that it was not time for me to go home. She called again anyway, and a third time.

I stomped up the hill, really annoyed and finally caught up to her – only to find that she had fallen and could not get up. That’s why she had called; too proud to say she was in trouble. I helped her up and got her home.

Years later, I thought about the incident and calculated her age. She was 50. She was 50 years old and was an old woman. She wore orthopedic shoes and dressed in out-of-date styles and was not interested in the new or what was going on in the world. She was old. I loved her dearly, but she was old. And she was 50.

Contrast with my mother, who was the charming celebrant at her 75^th birthday party, dressed in brand new cowgirl attire before taking off on another Roads Scholar adventure. At 75, she was energetic and young..

Today, we are even better off, as we age. Many relatives and acquaintances are probably still going strong in the second half of their seventies and beyond.

The elder sayings in this week’s story applied to past generations. Are they relevant to old folks today? Listen to the story and see what you think.

Consider This Show – Train that left the Station

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I’ve been gathering sayings about aging. There is a lot of wisdom out there on the subject. I’d like to share some of it with you. How about this?

The age of maturity is that age at which one is still young but is much more resourceful. I sure agree with that one.

To get old is to go from passion to compassion. Another good one.

Many people never reach 80 because they waste time trying to stay at 40 forever.

When you’re past 60, there are fewer things that seem absurd. We’ve seen life imitate art far more than the imagination can conjure up.

Here’s another saying I like – In the eyes of youth, there glows a flame.

In the eyes of maturity, there shines a light.

The initiative of youth and the experience of age each have equal value and should go hand-in hand.

Each age calls for its own appropriate behavior

Here is an insightful observation – Young people travel in groups; adults travel in pairs; old people walk alone.

In that case, I believe that the passing years are meant to be lived, not just accumulated. If we end up walking alone, let’s have lots of fine memories to take with us.

[Show #627]

Benefits of Age

I was thinking about the benefits of growing old. There’s wisdom and experience, and being able to take it easy. But there are also benefits you might not think of right off hand.

Take kidnapping for instance. Well, kidnappers don’t seem to be very interested in old people. That’s a plus. And if you ever get in a hostage situation, chances are you’ll be released first.

When you get old, no one expects you to run; anywhere. Of course, older person’s stereotypes can be annoying too. People call at 9:00 pm or 9:00 am and ask, “Did I wake you?” Come on…

On the other hand, there’s nothing left to learn the hard way. You can eat supper at 4:00 pm if you want. And pay less too! You can live without sex, but not without your glasses.

You get into heated arguments about pension plans. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

Your investment in your health insurance is finally paying off. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. And your secrets are safe with your friends, because they can’t remember them either.

And that’s the way it goes…

[Show #459]

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