life lessons

Rethinking Sympathy

Backstory

There is a tendency to fill the air with words, when expressing sympathy, in person or in writing. Hallmark chooses comforting messages for you. Sometimes empathy presents the best sincerity.

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Rethinking Sympathy – #377

“I know how you feel.” People often say that, to show empathy with someone else. The truth is, you probably have no idea how they feel. And saying that you do may really aggravate the other person or make them want to scream back that you could not possibly feel their pain.

So how do you comfort someone over a loss or a tragedy? You might say – I know how I would feel in that situation. You might even find better words to use.

Often, it’s best to just be quiet. Be a sounding board, rather than someone who gives advice. Let the other person vent or cry on your shoulder. A gentle touch…a hug …the holding of a hand – all those can express empathy better than a speech.

Sometimes you’ll share the tears; sometimes you’ll dry them. Just being there with someone you care for can be the greatest gift in their time of need. Being there…and quiet…and listening…and sharing.

You won’t find that prescription on a bottle of medication. You’ll find it in your soul.

Don’t be afraid of the person in pain. Don’t try to convince them things will be better. Just be there for them, with love in your heart.

It works.

P.S.
Some people have a generous knack for expressing sympathy by doing. We think to take food over right away, but take it again later too. Call with a lunch invitation in a few weeks. If you are turned down, ask again later. Send a “thinking of you” card the next month. Mark your calendar to remember to stay in touch. Don’t let your hurting friend fall between the cracks of your busy life. Good friends are rare – and well worth the extra effort.

[Show #377]

Told to Donate Blood

Backstory

It was a trying time for the whole family. One child desperately ill, the other anxious beyond words to help his little sister. Then he found out he could help.

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Told to Donate Blood – #169

Betsy was just a little girl. She suffered from a rare and serious disease.

She desperately needed a blood transfusion and her five-year-old brother was the right blood type. The doctor explained that what they were going to do and asked the little boy if he would agree to give his blood to his sister. Looking lovingly at little Betsy, he replied, “Yes. I’ll do it if it will save her.”

As the transfusion progressed the little boy was happy to see smiles on his parents faces as they looked at the color return to the little girl’s cheeks. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a tiny trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”

Well, the doctor was taken aback. Then he realized, the child thought he was being asked to give all his blood. He was willing to die to save his sister.

Unconditional love. It’s all around us. Sometimes more visible than other times.

P.S.

It doesn’t necessarily take such a dramatic incident for unconditional love to surface. It shows when care giving requires repetitive work, and it’s done with patience and smiles, yet again. It shines through endless lunch sandwich making or vegetable slicing or encouragement about squeaky, off-key notes during practice. It’s all unconditional love, probably unrecognized but hopefully appreciated, even if not for years to come.

[Show #169]

What People Think

Backstory

I was in an improv group that performed skits before groups as an alternative to speakers. In one skit, I played a mom, who cared more about what the neighbors thought than she did about her own daughter’s pain. Remembering that performance was the genesis of this episode.

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What People Think – #272

We were just talking about what people think of you. Should you care what they think? Seems it should depend on who is doing the thinking.

A friend recently told me that he likes his wife’s hair because she still wears it fluffy. That’s not the current trend in hair styles. But which is more important – being a trend setter or setting your guy’s heart aflutter when he looks at you in that fluffy hair style that he loves.

As we get older, we sometimes fall victim to what other people think. We seem to let them convince us that they know better about what we should do, or say, or look like. They say that walking on 5 inch high heels is the way to look cool. They threaten that love belongs only to those skeletal enough to wear a size 4. They warn that nobody over 50 can get a job in this new economy. None of that may be true for you. Don’t believe it. Make a judgment for yourself about what is true and act accordingly.

Every day, we are faced with decisions. We can make them based on our own values or based on what others will think. Which will you choose today?

The best advice seems to be the one frequently directed to young people as they mature – be true to yourself. If you can do that, no matter what your age, you’ll probably make out just fine.

P.S.

What experience do you have about what people think? Want to share something with our listeners and readers? Scroll down and write on.

[Show #272]

Motorcycle Annie

Backstory

Do you see an action video on Facebook featuring a mature woman and ask yourself, “How does she do that, at her age?” Annie had the same question. And then, something happened!

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Motorcycle Annie – #701

I just saw an intriguing photo – a lovely lady perched on her motorcycle. At 71, Annie has just completed the motorcycle safety course. She is brand new to the bike and she loves it.

Annie wasn’t doing too well a few years ago. She had aches and pains that seem to come along with Social Security. But this lady decided to do something about it. She got into an exercise program that improved her strength and brought back her vitality. She spends it on that motorcycle – among other things.

For YOU to improve your overall physical fitness, what you really need, to start, is just -your FEET. Yep, a program of fitness can start as easily as simply getting out of your chair and on your feet. Walking is easy. As you gain stamina, you add other activities.

Go for the gusto and motorcycle with Annie, Or take a more pedestrian route.

In any case, you’ll be amazed how fast it makes a difference.

P.S.

Even if you never get past the stage where it’s your feet moving you around, the oxygen will pump blood through your veins and will help you thrive.

[Show #701]

If You Are

Backstory

We tend to admire those whose behavior is exemplary. We warm to them and love grows. This week’s story is about those who are held in such high regard. Take a moment now and consider whether these traits sound familiar.

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If You Are… – #348

If you can start the day without caffeine; if you’re always cheerful ignoring aches and pains; if you eat the food placed before you each day and never complain; if you understand when loved ones are too busy to give you much time; if you can conquer tensions without medical intervention, relax without liquor, and sleep without the aid of drugs; if you can do all these things, then you’re probably the family dog.

Yes, that unsung family hero who is always there, willing to give you all the attention you want. To play with you or comfort you, to make you smile. Here’s to the aging house pet whose still thinks he’s a puppy. To the Chihuahua who growls like a lion, to the Cocker Spaniel with its mournful eyes.

Thanks for being such a content and loyal family member. Thanks for giving us stories we can tell to entertain others. Thanks for teaching our kids love and patience, and the concepts of responsibility.

Whether large or small, black, brown or white; you have captured our hearts, found a place in our homes and will absolutely be remembered in our family folklore for years to come.

P.S.

What is the name of the four-footed friend who fits the bill for you? Be sure you have a good photo to add to the family album.

[Show #348]

Giving and Getting Help

Backstory

There was a time when I was overwhelmed with responsibility. The stress was showing – and fellow Rotarians stepped in and provided help that made a difference and kept me sane. It taught me several things. I’d like to share them with you today.

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Giving and Getting Help – #263

There are times in life when we are called on to do things that are difficult. They seem to come in threes, these times of challenge. And when they occur, they seem to define us wholly.

Instead of being a multi-faceted human being, we start to think that we are nothing more than the care giver, the mother figure, the easily disposable employee.

So many people are struggling today. It is very possible that you may be called on to give help, jump in, provide a safety net or a soft place to land. It’s also possible that you become the one who needs help.

When suddenly called on to take a difficult new role, it’s important to keep your perspective. You are the same person as before the challenge occurred. You may feel overwhelmed at the beginning. But you can figure things out. You always have.

It’s said that God never calls on us to do more than we can. Pray for strength if that’s where you get spiritual courage.

Be willing to ask for help yourself if it gets to be too much. Look around and you may find willing, loving helpers in places you would not imagine. Speak out and let the help come forward.

You CAN make it through these times. Easy? No. Doable? Yes.

God bless you.

P.S.

A friend told a story about noticing that the lady at the muffin stand, where she stopped each morning for years, did not look or sound good that day. She took time off from work to get the vendor to a doctor – and saved her life. Who knew that a customer would go to those lengths of caring? Selfless help is all around but people must KNOW there is a need. Be willing to step up when you feel that things are not right. Be willing to ask for help when you need it. Test human kindness. You may be delighted with what you discover.

[Show #263]

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