Family and Friendship

Married

Backstory

“You’ve got to write about it,” said one listener. “I’ll be watching for the story,” said another. So now that the decisiveness of marriage has sunk in, I decided to fill the requests and tell you how the man finally got me to the altar, after eight years of keeping him waiting. It is this week’s story.

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Married – #640

In a recent story, I told how my friend Joan had encouraged me to let Bill put a ring on it. I was hesitant and she pointed out that time was passing and each day was one we could have enjoyed as husband and wife. She said, “You don’t want to run out of time!”

She was right, so I said to Bill, “About getting married, you want to do it now?” Like in time travelers, we were suddenly signing papers at the courthouse.

I called Joan and said, “On Friday, are you willing to drop everything and come be a witness at our wedding?”

She agreed in half a second. So did three other dear friends and there we were in front of an officiant, in the presence of God, saying our home made vows.

Bill was asked, “Do you take Annette . . .” and he responded with a really fast “yes,” before hearing the rest of the question. He was oh so ready to be a husband.

It was joyous, it was simple, it was fast and it was meant to be. Our home is full of love and each day is precious. And it happened because my friend Joan took the initiative to encourage us to see what was right before our eyes.

We should all be thankful for friends whose advice and guidance help us make better decisions in life.

P.S.

It was never that I didn’t want to be married. It’s just that everything was going along just fine. We had eight years with nary a bad day. There did not seem to be any need for improvement. But when I see the joy in his eyes when he calls me his wife. . . when I feel his sense of protection as my husband . . . Oh yes, this wedding was a good idea, Joan.

[Show #640]

Dad Didn’t Like Me

Backstory

It took a long time to find out the truth of this belief about my dad. I could only see things from my perspective – that of a little girl who was hungry for her daddy’s attention, love and approval. Why didn’t he see that and hear that? Sometimes parents are too busy just holding everything together to see what else is needed. Hear how I found that out.

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Dad Didn’t Like Me – #356

I thought my dad didn’t like me much. My mom was always enthralled by my stories of what happened in school or what my friends were wearing or doing. My dad – well, he’d fall asleep while I prattled on about my day.

He would come home in work clothes dirtied from his labor. He was a welder and that was not white collar work. He would take a shower, have dinner and lay down on the couch and before I could talk to him, he’d be asleep. Seemed there was no time for me.

It was years before I realized, he napped because he was exhausted.

He did hard physical labor every day and his body needed rest, not the chattering of a nine year old consumed with her own world.

But when I did have his attention, it was heaven. I remember being with him on a fishing boat he had won in a raffle. Singing with him as he drove the blue Hudson to the mountains for family picnics in the summer. Having him stand up for me when I was bullied.

I remember a tearful session where I accused him of never being satisfied with my accomplishments. An A minus was reproached. It could have been an A. He was shocked to hear that I felt unappreciated. He told me how he bragged about my accomplishments. Told friends and relatives how proud he was of me.

But Dad, you forgot to tell ME.

P.S.

How many times, as a mom, did I stop what I was doing to pay attention to one child or another? I hope it was enough for them to know how much they meant to me. If it was, perhaps I can credit my own dad. He taught me how it feels when you don’t get the attention you need. Hopefully it helped me to give generously, in the formative years. We need to be thankful for lessons we learn, no matter which way they are delivered.

[Show #356]

Instant Family

Backstory

Photos are used to memorialize big events in our lives. We look at the image and conjure up the event and the people and the happenstance. Hopefully it was a happy time that brings smiles to our lips.

But what happens to the memories when the photos are gone? When there is no one left who treasures them or wants to keep them lovingly in a book or box or locket. We explore that phenomenon in today’s story.

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Instant Family – #352

We were at an estate auction recently, An elderly lady had died and the contents of her house were being disposed of. Kind of a sad event – watching the accumulations of a lifetime on the auction block.

It is particularly poignant to see family photos in frames going to the stranger with the highest bid. Pictures that sing of memories of a life lived.

Are there children who didn’t want these photos? Is there no one left behind who would care about the smiles of the children on the back of the farm wagon? Or the youthful grin of the boy and his dog? Or the sweeping elegance of the bride in the photo dated 1923?

One auctioneer joked while justifying bids for a box of photos – “Instant family – right here.” A dealer bought that box. He will sort through the photos and put the best ones on display in his shop.

He’ll hope to find something valuable in there. But he’ll pass over dozens of photos that had value, once, to someone.

Perhaps the fact that “things” are being auctioned off is insignificant. The furniture and tools and souvenirs and quilts didn’t make this person’s life,

The memories represented by those photos did.

Looks like it was a good life. I hope so.

P.S.

Photos disappear. Memories fade. So how DOES one create immortality? Perhaps it all comes back to one of my favorite quotes of Maya Angelou:
“At the end of the day, people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”

[Show #352]

Raising Honest Children

Backstory – Honest Children

I was wrestling with versions of the truth as reported on the news. Which truth does one believe? I feel for children growing up in this chaotic time. How do we teach them to tell the truth and stand by the truth in an age where truth is as steady as Jello thrown against the wall? What a daunting task.

Consider This Show – Honest Children

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Raising Honest Children – #426

Raising honest children today, I believe, is really difficult. There are times I think there is no more truth. Everything has a spin on it that benefits one group or another.

Telling the truth can get you into trouble. It can make your friends mad at you. It seems people want you to say what they want to hear, rather than what is honestly the truth.

If we are to teach our children to tell the truth, we have to create room for candor – for an authentic voice. We have to allow children to speak their mind, even if their thoughts or values differ from ours.

But when the value they are moving toward is not the truth, we need to show them how to grasp the truth and face it.

What happens when a child is caught in a lie? I believe we have to hold them responsible. We need to set firm, fair consequences and limits.

The child who lies must suffer the consequences.

Discuss honesty in words the child can understand. Stories of rewards for telling the truth are effective.

The best lesson is MODELING honesty. Be willing to admit your own mistakes with the truth. Beware of hypocrisy – Don’t preach one thing and do another. Avoid calling the child a liar. Teach rather than scold. It works better . . . and that’s the truth!

[Show #426]

Courtesy Close In

Backstory – Courtesy

In our adult, two-person family, kind words are natural and spoken often. I wondered how good we were about being kind to each other as the kids were growing up. I remember one request for politeness that worked. I asked one day that everyone ask, “May I be excused?” before leaving the dinner table. It stuck, and from then on, they did. Go figure!

Consider This Show – Courtesy

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I was coming around the corner in the grocery store. So was he. Whew . . . close call with our carts. “Excuse me,” he smiled. “No problem,” I replied with a smile as generous as his. We were so kind and polite to each other, we two strangers. I was proud of us both.

But sometimes we forget to be equally polite to the people we love and who mean something to us. A child approaching while you’re fixing dinner may hear, “Watch out; get out of the way.” A wife reaching for a kiss during the football game may be waved off. A teenager arriving home with the groceries may be greeted with, “It’s about time you got back” Instead of “Thanks for making that trip.”

We expect that those close to us will accept this kind of behavior. After all, we can’t go around the house muttering “Please, thank you, excuse me” – all day long. Can we? Why not?

Why treat strangers in a kinder and more polite way than those we love?
Practice thinking and saying those special words around the house. Practice courtesy towards those you love!

Please . . . thank you . . . excuse me. It will be such a joy when the new kinder gentler you takes hold.

And when you find the words being used by children and grandchildren too . . . well, that’s when you know you’ve made your corner of the world a slightly little better place.

[Show #336]

Twas the Night

Backstory – ‘Twas the Night

Surely you know the traditional Christmas poem, A Visit from St. Nicholas, written by Clement Clarke Moore in 1822. My version acknowledges the tens of thousands of grandparents who find themselves raising grandchildren. Safe to say that few expected to spend retirement years caring for young’uns. This poem is a loving Christmas salute to them all.

Consider This Show – ‘Twas the Night

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‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
The sound of kids laughing reached the wife and her spouse.

These folks, in their sixties, that is apparent,
Did not expect filling their days as a parent.

But fate somehow chose them, to do it again,
One child or more, badly needing a friend.

They didn’t expect, at retirement age,
To be moms and dads, and not turning the page.

But children need love and attention galore,
And there they were standing, right at their front door.

So, here’s to the grandmas still braiding young hair,
And learning of Sponge Bob with pants that are square.

And grandpas at soccer and football and such,
Your love and devotion are meaning so much.

The kids keep you whirling around and about,
By day’s end, you’re sometimes completely worn out.

You’ve learned about iPods and lap tops and cell phones,
American Idol, the GaGa and ring tones.

You’ve put in your time at the pool and the park,
And soothed little people afraid of the dark.

Here’s wishing you strength in these rushed, busy days,
When hours rush by in a holiday haze.

Santa may bring you some sleep as your gift,
Along with the toys that you sort, wrap and lift.

He’s seen all your efforts through these many days,
He said God has seen too and sends you His praise.

And I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
Granny and Papa, now have a good night.

[Show #255]

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