Search Results for: gifts

Sharing Something of Value

Backstory

Someone shared the Chinese proverb with me. I have always found wisdom in words from the orient. Is it because they are exotic? Or simply bubbling with insight? In any case, I started thinking about what kinds of things have value to others, to me. This story came from those musings.

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Sharing Something of Value – #450

The Chinese have a saying – “When someone shares with you something of value, you have an obligation to share it with others.” You could apply that to many things – knowledge, money, gratitude, even smiles.

Imagine considering it an obligation to smile at someone else, every time someone smiles at you. The question is whether a smile is something of value. What do you think?

I remember hearing that a smile is an instant face lift. And indeed, a smiling face is so much more attractive than one with a frown drawn on it.

Watch attractive elderly women. They know the secret of the face-lifting smile. You will rarely see them without a smile on their lips. And you can’t help thinking how lovely they are.

What else do you receive of value that should be shared?

We Americans are generous with sharing our wealth; from donations to the Red Cross and Salvation Army, to funding of Wounded Warrior to individual help provided anonymously when we hear there is a need. To those who receive much, much is expected.

We seem to have learned the Chinese lesson well, although it never hurts to be reminded.

P.S.

Different times form different values. Living through the depression as a young adult, my grandmother found value in making things last. Even when times changed for the better, she continued to save string in a ball. Her notes were written on the backs of used envelopes. Drippings from this morning’s bacon fried green tomatoes for dinner. Sure is different from today’s use-and-discard approach.

[Show #450]

Toy Library

Backstory

I could hardly walk through the room, for all the toys spread around. Looking at the broken plastic pieces, I could just imagine how much all this cost. But there was so much; it was overpowering. How best to organize toys and help children to appreciate them? We explore all that in this week’s story.

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Toy Library – #346

Have you ever counted the toys your kids have? A well-known parenting guru suggests that the overabundance of toys possessed by kids today is not a blessing. He claims that an average American child has 150 toys. Think what that means in a family with 3 or 4 kids.

Overstimulation from the media, video games and noisy toys are creating chaos. The way out is to weed out your kids’ stuff.

Reduce the chaos and introduce calm. Give away outgrown toys: discard broken ones and pack a lot of the rest away.

There are coaches who get paid to come into a home and reduce the abundance. They remove as much as 75% of the children’s clothes and toys. You can do the same thing. That will reduce the clutter.

Then introduce the calm. Set up a schedule for watching TV or playing video games, rather than having both run 24/7 at will. Get rid of noisy, flashing toys. They actually do the playing for the child. Instead, provide toys that challenge the child’s imagination.

Create a veritable library of toys, to be checked out, played with In those periods of calm you created, and returned. Sounds like quite an improvement.

P.S.

Toys Are Us just went out of business. One analyst said it was because kids would rather watch a YouTube video of kids playing, than play themselves. Playing is how we learned to imagine: how we learned to treat others; how we learned about the consequences of making a bad decision. How shall we replace those experiences in today’s world of busy thumbs and digital screens?

[Show #346]

Married

Backstory

“You’ve got to write about it,” said one listener. “I’ll be watching for the story,” said another. So now that the decisiveness of marriage has sunk in, I decided to fill the requests and tell you how the man finally got me to the altar, after eight years of keeping him waiting. It is this week’s story.

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Married – #640

In a recent story, I told how my friend Joan had encouraged me to let Bill put a ring on it. I was hesitant and she pointed out that time was passing and each day was one we could have enjoyed as husband and wife. She said, “You don’t want to run out of time!”

She was right, so I said to Bill, “About getting married, you want to do it now?” Like in time travelers, we were suddenly signing papers at the courthouse.

I called Joan and said, “On Friday, are you willing to drop everything and come be a witness at our wedding?”

She agreed in half a second. So did three other dear friends and there we were in front of an officiant, in the presence of God, saying our home made vows.

Bill was asked, “Do you take Annette . . .” and he responded with a really fast “yes,” before hearing the rest of the question. He was oh so ready to be a husband.

It was joyous, it was simple, it was fast and it was meant to be. Our home is full of love and each day is precious. And it happened because my friend Joan took the initiative to encourage us to see what was right before our eyes.

We should all be thankful for friends whose advice and guidance help us make better decisions in life.

P.S.

It was never that I didn’t want to be married. It’s just that everything was going along just fine. We had eight years with nary a bad day. There did not seem to be any need for improvement. But when I see the joy in his eyes when he calls me his wife. . . when I feel his sense of protection as my husband . . . Oh yes, this wedding was a good idea, Joan.

[Show #640]

Change

Backstory

It seemed to be taking place all around me. Kids moving back with their parents . . . mother carried off to a nursing home . . . a widow heading west . . . a bachelor heading east. . . a classmate moving to Ireland. . . someone asking about moving in here. Lives used to be all neat and tidy – and suddenly everything is changing. It motivated me to write this story.

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Change – #345

We have several friends who have had to change their living location in the last year. It’s been such an experience, to see how they acclimated to their new environment.

One elderly gentleman decided his home on the mountain was just too much responsibility. He listed out the tasks that needed to be done to live in his house. He decided that most of them, he no longer enjoyed doing.

He carefully reviewed assisted living facilities, went to visit several, decided on one and moved in. He now lives in the nursing home portion, quiet and content. He can do for himself all that his efficient new setting requires.

He still enjoys all the daily activities he liked, such as dining with friends, reading the newspaper, playing cards and watching sports. He says he brought the best of his world with him and left behind the things he had outgrown.

Another friend retired and moved across the country to be near her only daughter. But daughter has a career and a life and little time to spend with mom. My friend wound up moving back and even getting her old job back. Retirement did not suit her nearly as much as a busy workday.

She prospered in a setting where she had respect and appreciation.

I’ve learned from these friends – not to be afraid to change things…

And not to be afraid to go back, if it doesn’t work out.

P.S.

I started analyzing all the options open for when it’s my turn to change. Guess what? Can’t do it. Somehow I have not found the crystal ball that tells me what will be needed by me or my loved ones or those around me. I can’t begin to guess what it will cost and whether there will be bingo or pot parties or midnight skinny dipping. So, just like the rest of us, I will wait and try to make good decisions while the universe determines my future. I just hope it does it with panache.

[Show #345]

Dad Didn’t Like Me

Backstory

It took a long time to find out the truth of this belief about my dad. I could only see things from my perspective – that of a little girl who was hungry for her daddy’s attention, love and approval. Why didn’t he see that and hear that? Sometimes parents are too busy just holding everything together to see what else is needed. Hear how I found that out.

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Dad Didn’t Like Me – #356

I thought my dad didn’t like me much. My mom was always enthralled by my stories of what happened in school or what my friends were wearing or doing. My dad – well, he’d fall asleep while I prattled on about my day.

He would come home in work clothes dirtied from his labor. He was a welder and that was not white collar work. He would take a shower, have dinner and lay down on the couch and before I could talk to him, he’d be asleep. Seemed there was no time for me.

It was years before I realized, he napped because he was exhausted.

He did hard physical labor every day and his body needed rest, not the chattering of a nine year old consumed with her own world.

But when I did have his attention, it was heaven. I remember being with him on a fishing boat he had won in a raffle. Singing with him as he drove the blue Hudson to the mountains for family picnics in the summer. Having him stand up for me when I was bullied.

I remember a tearful session where I accused him of never being satisfied with my accomplishments. An A minus was reproached. It could have been an A. He was shocked to hear that I felt unappreciated. He told me how he bragged about my accomplishments. Told friends and relatives how proud he was of me.

But Dad, you forgot to tell ME.

P.S.

How many times, as a mom, did I stop what I was doing to pay attention to one child or another? I hope it was enough for them to know how much they meant to me. If it was, perhaps I can credit my own dad. He taught me how it feels when you don’t get the attention you need. Hopefully it helped me to give generously, in the formative years. We need to be thankful for lessons we learn, no matter which way they are delivered.

[Show #356]

Instant Family

Backstory

Photos are used to memorialize big events in our lives. We look at the image and conjure up the event and the people and the happenstance. Hopefully it was a happy time that brings smiles to our lips.

But what happens to the memories when the photos are gone? When there is no one left who treasures them or wants to keep them lovingly in a book or box or locket. We explore that phenomenon in today’s story.

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Instant Family – #352

We were at an estate auction recently, An elderly lady had died and the contents of her house were being disposed of. Kind of a sad event – watching the accumulations of a lifetime on the auction block.

It is particularly poignant to see family photos in frames going to the stranger with the highest bid. Pictures that sing of memories of a life lived.

Are there children who didn’t want these photos? Is there no one left behind who would care about the smiles of the children on the back of the farm wagon? Or the youthful grin of the boy and his dog? Or the sweeping elegance of the bride in the photo dated 1923?

One auctioneer joked while justifying bids for a box of photos – “Instant family – right here.” A dealer bought that box. He will sort through the photos and put the best ones on display in his shop.

He’ll hope to find something valuable in there. But he’ll pass over dozens of photos that had value, once, to someone.

Perhaps the fact that “things” are being auctioned off is insignificant. The furniture and tools and souvenirs and quilts didn’t make this person’s life,

The memories represented by those photos did.

Looks like it was a good life. I hope so.

P.S.

Photos disappear. Memories fade. So how DOES one create immortality? Perhaps it all comes back to one of my favorite quotes of Maya Angelou:
“At the end of the day, people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”

[Show #352]

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