CONSIDER THIS with Annette Petrick

Timely perspectives on life, love, friends, family, giving back, and giving thanks

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Thought Sharing

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Backstory  

Beneath those masks, emotions may be broiling; anger, fear, resentment. Gathered at the dining room table, families can discuss those things – or create a sanctuary for discussing anything but. 

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Thought Sharing  –  #166 

If you are a family that comes together at dinner time, you are creating a wonderful forum for thought sharing. What do you discuss over dinner? Same old stuff?

You may want to think about some provocative questions to ask. See what’s really on the minds of your kids, or the other adults in your home and see how they view things.

What if you asked mature adults, “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?” How would you answer that question? Or ask family members, “What do you see when you look out our front window?” You may be amazed at the array of responses from people who are looking at exactly the same thing.

Ask what your family members notice first when they meet a man or woman. Ok, so there may be grounds for some fun too.

Keep your mealtime interesting and imaginative.  It could become your favorite time of day.

P.S.   

Choose the time and place for hard discussions. But don’t avoid them by assuming all is well.  That’s how families can get in trouble.

[Show #166]

Trigger Words

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Backstory

Do you ever feel an emotion bubble up unexpectedly in response to certain words or situations? Here’s one that I recognized.

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Trigger Words – #460

Did you ever notice that there are “trigger words” that make people angry?

A Wall Street Journal study shows that the word “never” generally elicits a bad reaction. Think about it. Have you heard the word “never” used in a positive way?  The word “always” also elicits a negative reaction.

These words are absolutes and they generally don’t work well. Especially when giving feedback. I have a rule for not using, “never” or “always” in an argument. My reason is because either word is rarely the truth.

When you accuse the other person of always doing this, or never doing that, you’re conjuring up all the negatives they have ever committed, rather than dealing with the issue at hand.

A controversial trigger these days is the “compliment sandwich.” Someone wants you to improve, so they give you a compliment, throw in a criticism and end with another compliment. Many swear by the “compliment sandwich.” Others say that people see right through it and consider the compliments insincere.

As one critic wrote, “There are plenty of ways of politely discussing a problem that won’t involve insults and eye rolling. But don’t waste my time with half-hearted niceties that disguise your true concern.”

So now that you know the words that trigger anger, or suggest insincerity be sure you “never” ever use them again.

P.S.

OK, maybe my ending was not too subtle – using the word I promised not to.  But that IS the message.  How often do we have an intention that’s not met with our action? Good exercise to consider the words or happenings that trigger your negative responses and practice a more reasonable response.  Yes, it can be done.  Especially if it will make things better for someone you love.

[Show #460]

In a Taxi

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Backstory  

This is not how I would have presented the concept of patience and love.  All the more reason why it resonated so clearly.

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In a Taxi –  #184

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. Well, my taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches. The driver of that car whipped his head around and started yelling.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy, and I mean he was really friendly. So, I asked, “Why did you just do that? That guy almost ruined your taxi and sent us to the hospital.”

Well, the cab driver explained he was following the “Law of the Garbage Truck.”  He said that many people are like human garbage trucks. Their internal garbage is frustration, anger, disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it, and sometimes they dump it on you.

His advice – Don’t take it personally. Smile, wave, wish them well and move on. Don’t let their garbage become the garbage that you internalize or spread.

Happy people do not let someone else’s garbage take over their day. Love the people who treat you right and pray for those who don’t.

Something to consider!

P.S.   

Mouths of babes are not the only place where wisdom can be found.  Listen closely and you’ll hear lessons and love, even from a rear view mirror.  

[Show #184]

Heartbreak

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Backstory  

In times like these, it can seem like everything is going wrong. Emotional hurts on top of all the larger issues can be overwhelming.  Time to take stock and get real.

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Heartbreak –  #171

As life progresses, you find it doesn’t always follow the path of fairy tales to the “live happily ever after” ending. You may be let down by the one person you thought would always support you. You’ll have your heart broken, probably more than once. You’ll break hearts too.

You’ll fight with your best friend; you’ll blame a new love for things done by an old one. You’ll speak harshly or you’ll be impatient. You’ll realize the time is passing too fast and eventually . . . you’ll lose someone you love.

How can you protect yourself? Take lots of pictures, digital and mental. Laugh too much, love like you’ve never been hurt. Be there, even for those that have let you down, because every 60-seconds you spend upset or angry is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

Don’t be afraid that your life will end. Be afraid that it will never begin.

P.S.   

Life does begin, more than once.  Your new beginning may be just around the corner. Or it  may have already happened, and you just haven’t recognized it yet. Be open to the new experience.  Explore it, look at it from different angles.  Be willing to open up to love and friendship again.  It’s worth the risk  

[Show #171]

New Friends

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Backstory – New Friends

I have this habit of twisting my hair when I’m thinking. Catching myself doing it one day, I started wondering if that annoys anyone.  And out of that thought, came this story.

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New Friends – #361

Remember what it was like as a kid to make a new friend? The tentative moves toward each other and the total delight when you each found in the other, something you enjoyed and wanted to repeat.

Of course adults have many more facets than children – a lifetime of experiences… political opinions… habits and preferred behaviors.

We recently met a couple with whom we had a lot in common. We enjoyed their company except for one habit they had. We discussed whether that was a deal breaker or whether we wanted to be their friends nonetheless. We decided the latter. 

So when they behave in that odd way, we just shrug and say, “That’s our friends being who they are.” Then we move on to the next fun time we enjoy with them.

Compromise?  Sure.  But how do we know that they are not compromising with some behavior that we exhibit. They may be kindheartedly tolerating us in the same small degree that we are them.

Another thing we learned from childhood is not to resent their having other friends.  We need not do everything together or see everything in the same light.  To hear an opposing view from someone we respect may just open our minds to new truths and preferences.

If their hearts are pure and we share the same values and principles, the friendship is probably worth nurturing.

P.S.

Have you made enjoy-in-person new friends through social media? Or do you find that digital friends remain in that venue?

[Show #361]

The Small Stuff

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Backstory  

When I looked around, while in lockdown, I started re-imagining my future in simpler terms. Here are some of the views that evolved.

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The Small Stuff –  #632

There comes a point in your life when you decide to enjoy the birds and the trees in your view,

rather than worrying about whether the grass is cut.

In the words of Richard Carlson, “Don’t sweat the small stuff . . . and it’s all small stuff.”

Life is too short and too valuable to spend it on small stuff. Decide who matters and who never did, who won’t matter anymore, and who always will. Keep close to you, those who bring you joy and laughter. Separate out those who bring darkness into your life. Decide who you want to help and learn how to say no with a smile and a hug.

THAT may be the hardest of all. But it’s your RIGHT to make those decisions.  It’s your life. Don’t worry about people from your past, who should not be allowed in your future. Leave room in your heart for new friends and connections yet to come. Treasure those who are with you now and show your appreciation.

Repay kindness . . . do favors . . . give of your talents. Take the time to create memories that matter for you and those you love. Creating new memories takes time. Take the time. Of all the gifts we can give, memories of happenings you’ve created may just be the most precious of all.

P.S.   

Some of the happiest retired folks I know are those who are now taking the time for friends, neighbors and relatives.  It is these relationships that give them the most joy these days even though the connection may have to be electronic. 

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