life lessons

Friendship

Backstory

Friendship is a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people. In all cultures, friendships are important relationships. What is the secret to enduring friendship?

Friendship

C.S. Lewis had an interesting take on friendship. He said, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value. Rather, it is one of those things that give value to survival.”

As the years go by, friendships grow in the value they give to survival. The family affiliations that require your time and attention may dwindle as children grow and move away. But friends remain, and today’s technology allows a lot of connection no matter how far away they are.

I’ve tried to analyze the many friendships I enjoy. What attracted me to one person and not another? What created the glue that kept us in touch over decades or lifetimes? It was interesting to see my friends through the prisms of a new partner in my life. As he met my friends for the first time, they took to him, and he to them, just as I did.

Are we all clones of each other? In some ways, yes. In other ways, we are as different as night and day. Yet we found a reason to reach out to each other and hang on over time. Sometimes it’s better not to try to analyze it but just enjoy it.

But I do think Mr. Lewis was right. Friendship is one of those things that gives value to survival.

P.S. Maintaining lifelong friendships provides deep fulfillment and meaning. To ensure that those bonds don’t fade over time, be ready to invest time, cultivate trust and honesty, and work through disagreements when they arise. Well worth the effort.

Show #326

Boys Know How Things Work

Backstory

In an era where gender stereotypes are being significantly challenged, certain inalienable facts remain. That “boys know how things work” is one that I’ve found to be true, over a lifetime. They seem to be predisposed to this ability innately, without ever being taught. Let’s explore my thesis.

How Do Boys Know?

Boys seem to know how things work. I have noticed that all my life.

I don’t know how things work. Wish I did. But somehow my interests have never led me to find out. The lights go on when I turned the switch. I don’t need to know how or why. The house sits up straight on its foundation. I can believe in that without knowing the physics behind it.

But boys are not satisfied with that. From an early age, they have to take it apart, see how it works and put it back together again. Sometimes they get good at it; sometimes not.

I used to be amazed at how my husband knew how to fix a drain or wire a lamp. I am still amazed at how my son can operate all the lenses and filters and stuff on his professional cameras. They know how to change tires, how to put furniture together, how to make broken things work again.

I don’t remember seeing his father teach those things to his son, or his father teaching them to him. Yet somewhere along the way, the boys all learned.

I’ll bet I could learn all those things if I really tried. I once installed a door lock, just by following the pictures on the packaging.

But if I knew how to do those things, then they would expect me to do them. Well, that would not be smart. I will just let this tradition or illusion remain on the books

Hey guys, look what needs fixing. Come to my rescue!

P.S. Thank goodness I have a husband who does show up when something needs fixing. Lately, it’s been bottle and jar caps that won’t unscrew or pop off. They seem to be delivered, hermetically sealed. He’s also great at opening cans – bypassing my fancy electric opener to drag out that 50-year-old 19-cent manual tool that works just fine.

[Show #479]

Private Moments for Mothers

Backstory

The role of mother has always been pivotal. Even more so in times like a global pandemic and dangerous disruption. Mothers are called on to calm fears, provide balance, keep moving things in the right direction. And they do. This is for you.

Private Moments for Mom

This is a little private moment for the mothers in our audience. Did you ever think you’d be able to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Where did we learn how to do things like that?

What magical power was bestowed upon us for the years when our families needed us 24/7? Where did we get the patience to sit and rock for hours on end soothing a crying baby who refused to be comforted? Sometimes we know exactly what to do . . . and sometimes we don’t.

So this is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can’t find the words to reach them. This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peace-loving and now pray they come home safely from a war.

The emotions of motherhood are universal and our thoughts today are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation, and mature mothers learning to let go. For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single moms and married moms. Mothers with money, mothers without.

Hang in there. In the end, we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them and show them besides. And pray and never stop being a mom. No, never stop.

P.S. As Mother’s Day approaches and you consider a gift for your mom, put at the top of the list – time with her. Go shopping with her, take her to the park, cook her favorite dinner – together. Realize that YOU are the best gift she could get.

[Show #288]

Life

Backstory

In recognition of her fortieth birthday, my daughter wrote a list of the things she has done – significant and ordinary. They tracked a life well lived that produced a mature woman of strength and well-defined values. It got me thinking. So much learned and so much left to comprehend.

Life

I was thinking the other day about the things I’ve learned in life so far.

On a positive note, I’ve learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles four different things – a rainy day…the elderly…lost luggage, or tangled Christmas tree lights.
I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life.’
That children grow up much too fast, right before your eyes.
That it’s a lot better to do it right away than to put it off.
I discovered that life sometimes gives you a second chance, and sometimes a third and a fourth.
I believe you should not go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.
I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it can elude you. But if you focus on family, friends, and the needs of others, happiness will come looking for you.
I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

P.S. Learning is essential to our existence. Today’s inclusive culture requires discovering new ways of relating to people, both those who have been staples in our lives and the new acquaintances evolving. What an exciting time to learn anew and expand our individual worlds.

[Show #366]

Wrinkles

Backstory

This story is fiction. I imagined it. We used to visit a little girl in an orphanage and always stopped to see other kids for a few minutes too. It’s that experience that conjured up this story about someone older than a kid.

Wrinkles

The little girl had been introduced to the elderly woman in the nursing home. The parents came often to visit a relative and would stop by to chat with this nearby room resident too.

The little girl climbed up on the woman’s lap. She kept her eyes steadily on the woman’s face, as though entranced. The child reached up and touched the woman’s cheek. “You have so many wrinkles,” she commented. Indeed, the woman’s cheeks were corrugated with nearly a hundred years of aging.

“What do you think about those wrinkles?” The woman asked. The little girl thought for a moment. “Do they hurt?” she asked.

The elderly lady smiled and assured the girl that wrinkles don’t hurt. That seemed to end her interest in the woman’s corrugated face. The child asked if the woman had seen the latest Shrek movie. She wanted to know what her favorite color is: how early she gets up in the morning; and whether she has homework to do. So many things are more important than wrinkles.

Watching the scene, it occurred to me that if we live long enough, most of us will spend time in a place like this, where we can get the care we need and be clean and presentable when visitors come to call. When I think about the possibility, at least it’s encouraging to know that wrinkles don’t hurt.

P.S. The elderly woman in our story so appreciated visitors. Are there people in your life who would treasure time with you? Reviewing old photos, listening to stories, just plain being social. And then there are the hugs and hand-holding. Life-supporting.

[Show #359]

Got What You Sought?

Backstory

We’ve been challenged, in the last two years, to live life differently. So many events and activities have been set aside, canceled, or reorganized. Concentrating on our immediate past can conjure up disappointment. And yet over time, you have surely scored, achieved, found love, and known joy. As we enter 2022, let’s consider dreams that have come true.

Got What You Sought?

Have you got what you sought? It’s a matter of deciding whether your dreams have come true.

Sometimes, we wish for something for so long that when we get it, we forget to appreciate it and celebrate it. And of course, our dreams change over time. So – Have you got what you sought?

What’s really, really important to a teenager can become embarrassingly minor when you grow up.

Sometimes it takes adversity for us to appreciate what we have. I remember the first house we bought back in the 1970s. After a year or so, I was wishing for a larger place with more amenities. I got really perturbed at the little house we were living in.

Then bad times came along and it became questionable whether we could afford our monthly mortgage. Suddenly, our little house was a mansion – perfect in every way. Just please God let us be able to keep this roof over our heads.

A good way to put it into perspective is to realize that what you have, someone else is praying for. It could be that roof covering your head, or the clean water that comes out of the faucet when you turn it on, or the fact that no armed enemy will come crashing through your door while you are sleeping tonight.

We have so much and are so blessed. Never stop giving thanks and being grateful.

P.S. As I thought about my own dreams that have come true, it occurred to me how long it has been since my prayers had asked for anything. I remembered youthful, frantic prayer requests. Over time, they stopped. When had that changed? Perhaps when life proved that unanswered prayers can have the biggest blessing of all.

[Show #457]

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