Advice and Encouragement

How’s Your World?

Backstory

After months of cloister and self-inflicted hugless, distant interactions, can we still have moments of joy? How does it look when you take an inventory of your blessings?

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How’s Your World? – #618

I want to ask you something. Regardless of the troubles of the world, how is YOUR world? The one you live in, every day, where you work and eat and sleep and laugh.

Are your kids clean and healthy? Are they learning or earning? Is there a roof over your head? Are your parents taken care of? Is there food on your table and clean water coming out of your spigot?

If so, you are far more fortunate than many. And that means you have much for which to give thanks.

This country has served you well, In providing a place where you could learn and work and live freely. Whatever your degree of prosperity, if you look inward, you can usually smile and nod “OK.”

So although we can complain that the world is not as good as it should be, let’s also celebrate the freedoms and rights we enjoy. Instead of asking for more, let’s give thanks for what we have and what we have had.

Then, let’s think about ways to give back as our act of thanks. Provide a kind word today. Donate something to a good cause. Use your God-given talents – for free. Teach something. Forgive someone. Share a smile. Give someone you love an extra hug and two compliments.

Life is good – even though sometimes, we need a reminder.

P.S.

People have been so creative about giving back, during this pandemic lock-down. What have you done? Sew masks? Participate in car caravans? Send a weekly check to the cleaning person even though she could not come and clean? It all matters. It all counts. And on Tuesday, give back by casting your vote and having your voice heard.

[Show #618]

Losing Love

Backstory

Heading into retirement years, many of my friends have now led several different lives – more than one marriage, multiple careers, cultures in different parts of the country or the world. Included in their decades of living is loss. Yet they seem to have recovered and moved on. They told me how it works.

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Losing Love #167

The county song says that unanswered prayers may be our greatest blessing. That’s hard to swallow when you lose love. But whether it disappears, dies, or is dismissed, losing love is painful. The only saving grace is to learn from the lesson and apply it, the next time around.

Why did love go wrong? So often, that question is answered by pointing fingers. But if we look deeply into our hearts and souls, we might find important factors.

Sometimes we love too much and it’s smothering. Sometimes we miss the cues for what’s important to the other person. The saddest mistake is when we revert to bad behavior. We’re determined to never do that again and it comes out, just the same.

Should you lose love, at least don’t lose the lesson. Keep it to improve, the next time love comes your way.

P.S.

Recognize the different types of love that surround you. Romantic love is nice. But don’t underestimate the practical love of friends who are there for you. Great warmth can come from your grandchildren or somebody else’s grandkids. Volunteers find love and satisfaction in the service they perform. If you’ve lost love, stay open to all kinds of fresh new love.

[Show #167]

Conflicting Advice

Backstory

New facts emerge and the expert advice goes off in a different direction. Then a new happening heads us elsewhere. Whoop. It was just a rumor. Back to square one. Wait a minute. Where was square one again???

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Conflicting Advice – #523

There are so many experts out there today. People who think they know better than you what is best for you. Listening to them all can seem like a cacophony of conflicting advice. You follow the rules for overcoming this bad habit this week and the next week the rules are the reverse of what you have been doing.

Today, the advice is to turn left; tomorrow you’re told to turn right. Seems to me the key is knowing your own mind, spirit and body and making your own decisions about what’s best for you.

I saw a news report recently about how Facebook is bad for your health because it’s addictive. Well, of course, we’ve all heard stories about people getting sucked into online chat rooms or dark places, or social media to the exclusion of all else – job, family, friends. But we don’t shut down a tool that facilitates billions of communications because of the few who get lost.

One-third of seniors will fall this year. But we don’t put old folks in football helmets to save them from this fate. Maybe what’s needed is a large dose of caution and a little common sense added to the advice of experts.

Get more than one opinion, check the accuracy of the facts, consider the pros and cons, set up your own filters before following advice blindly. That even applies to the advice just provided.

P.S.

I sometimes think – if I could only stop the swirl for a few moments, maybe I could figure things out. Give yourself some quiet, contemplative time each day for respite. It’s precious. Better decisions are made when you are calm, rested and composed. Go there.

[Show #523]

Trigger Words

Backstory

Do you ever feel an emotion bubble up unexpectedly in response to certain words or situations? Here’s one that I recognized.

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Trigger Words – #460

Did you ever notice that there are “trigger words” that make people angry?

A Wall Street Journal study shows that the word “never” generally elicits a bad reaction. Think about it. Have you heard the word “never” used in a positive way? The word “always” also elicits a negative reaction.

These words are absolutes and they generally don’t work well. Especially when giving feedback. I have a rule for not using, “never” or “always” in an argument. My reason is because either word is rarely the truth.

When you accuse the other person of always doing this, or never doing that, you’re conjuring up all the negatives they have ever committed, rather than dealing with the issue at hand.

A controversial trigger these days is the “compliment sandwich.” Someone wants you to improve, so they give you a compliment, throw in a criticism and end with another compliment. Many swear by the “compliment sandwich.” Others say that people see right through it and consider the compliments insincere.

As one critic wrote, “There are plenty of ways of politely discussing a problem that won’t involve insults and eye rolling. But don’t waste my time with half-hearted niceties that disguise your true concern.”

So now that you know the words that trigger anger, or suggest insincerity be sure you “never” ever use them again.

P.S.

OK, maybe my ending was not too subtle – using the word I promised not to. But that IS the message. How often do we have an intention that’s not met with our action? Good exercise to consider the words or happenings that trigger your negative responses and practice a more reasonable response. Yes, it can be done. Especially if it will make things better for someone you love.

[Show #460]

In a Taxi

Backstory

This is not how I would have presented the concept of patience and love. All the more reason why it resonated so clearly.

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In a Taxi – #184

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. Well, my taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches. The driver of that car whipped his head around and started yelling.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy, and I mean he was really friendly. So, I asked, “Why did you just do that? That guy almost ruined your taxi and sent us to the hospital.”

Well, the cab driver explained he was following the “Law of the Garbage Truck.” He said that many people are like human garbage trucks. Their internal garbage is frustration, anger, disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it, and sometimes they dump it on you.

His advice – Don’t take it personally. Smile, wave, wish them well and move on. Don’t let their garbage become the garbage that you internalize or spread.

Happy people do not let someone else’s garbage take over their day. Love the people who treat you right and pray for those who don’t.

Something to consider!

P.S.

Mouths of babes are not the only place where wisdom can be found. Listen closely and you’ll hear lessons and love, even from a rear view mirror.

[Show #184]

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