life lessons

Emotional planning

Backstory

New Year’s Eve. Will that be party time at your house? What’s it like when your family gets together? All sweetness and light? Or are there factors or people who may use the function to retread old grudges or regrets? Anyone who may tip the bottle a bit and present My Hyde instead of Dr. Jekyll?

If your family is not exactly The Brady Bunch, you may do well to have ideas for deescalating friction.

Emotional Planning

Planning a big party or event? Be sure to plan for the emotional aspects as carefully as you plan the menu. If you are the host, be sure not to spread yourself too thin. Set realistic limits, aim for comfort, not perfection. Don’t let yourself get over tired so that you get cranky.

With large groups, keep everyone active rather than sitting around waiting for an argument to erupt. Play games, get outside, throw a ball around. Everyone will be less sluggish, which will put them in a better mood.

Too much togetherness can be smothering. Get away now and then. Even if it is to close your eyes and lay down for five minutes.

Humor is also a great tool for reducing stress and bringing people closer. If things start to get tense, make a joke of it. Or recall amusing incidents that bring on smiles. People won’t remember what was on your menu, but they will remember how you made them feel.

P.S. As the year draws to a close, there is so much to ponder. Our world has been changing under our feet, ready or not. It’s been easy, this year, to get lost and confused. At this time, remember how many times you showed courage in the last year. How often you went out of your way for others. Count your good steps, take credit for them and go forward doing the best you can, in your own little world. It’s what’s expected of you. Happy New Year.

[Show #170]

To Age Gracefully

Backstory

A ten-year-old recently touched my arm to be sure she had my attention. She then advised that she observed that I am “aging gracefully.” Bewildered, I wondered what her innocent eyes saw or felt that gave her that amusing but gratifying impression. She seemed so sincere, like she knew exactly what aging gracefully would look like.

You know what I think she saw? Joy! We had chatted for a while and shared joyful thoughts. I think she saw that at any age, having joy in your heart will move you along with grace.

Today’s story is about a more-than-mature woman who found her joy and wanted to pass it on.

To Age Gracefully

Rose was 87 years old and in her first year at college. When a classmate asked her why she was attending school, she responded with a twinkle in her eye that she wanted to meet boys, get married, and have babies. Then, she admitted that she always wanted a college degree but was always supporting someone else’s education or career. Now, it was her time.

Rose made so many friends and was so popular that at the end of the year, they asked her to give a speech at the football banquet. Here is the wisdom she shared:

“We do not stop playing because we are old. We grow old because we stopped playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. And as you choose a career, remember that we make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.

There is a huge difference between growing old and growing up. Growing old is mandatory. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. Growing up is optional. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity and change.

And for heaven’s sake, have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. And the only people who fear death are those with regrets.”

P.S. Rose did all the right things. She kept warm relationships and I’ll bet she avoided smoking and alcohol. With strong social support, she experienced less mental deterioration as she aged. But above all, she experienced joy – every single day.

[Show #536]

Living In Fear

Backstory

During the pandemic cloud, we were constantly required to make decisions. Older folks in particular knew that exposure could be fatal. There was reason to be scared. How did they cope?

Living In Fear

Explaining how he creates fear in his movie audiences, Alfred Hitchcock once said, “There is no terror in the bang, only the anticipation of it.” Even more so in real life, when there is a threat to your health and wellbeing.

The worst time is when you’re aware that something is wrong but you don’t know what. That time can go on for days, weeks, even months. It’s crushing. Fear stops everyone in their tracks. Whether it’s a new venture, a new task, or a new diagnosis, overcoming the fear can take you halfway to success.

With a medical alert, we tend to dash to the Internet for quick knowledge. You can find words that haunt and dire predictions and absolutely none may be applicable to your situation.

Also, when you’re enveloped in fear, you’re not listening well to the actual information from tests, examinations and medical personnel. If you don’t listen well, you can’t make the best decisions. And you will certainly confuse those around you who want to offer support.

So, the first step in any medical emergency – lose the fear. If it’s going to be bad, being fearful is not going to make it less bad. And if it’s going to be okay, worrying about it is time and effort wasted.

Easy? Not at all. But so necessary to get past the fear to a place where you can listen well, analyze reasonably, and make good decisions.

P.S.

An exercise to follow before beginning the process of the system of coping – Stop, Breathe, Consider, Verify, Act.

[Show #543]

She Hurt My Feelings

Backstory

A long-time friendship is precious. It can also be fragile – sometimes when least expected. What happens next can be game-changing. That was the case here.

She Hurt My Feelings

I don’t think she meant it that way, but what my friend said really hurt my feelings. There might have been an inkling of truth to it, but it hurt to hear it out loud. I’m trying to decide what to do about it.

Should I get back at her by saying something that would hurt her feelings too? Shall I try to find an excuse and apologize to myself for her? Shall I stay mad, end the friendship, never speak to her again?

Or might I examine what she said, remembering that it is nothing but data. It is input given by another. I have every right to consider it, accept it, reject it, rework it; whatever I want. I find that giving myself two or three days greatly improves the quality of making this kind of important decision.

Well, it’s now three days later and I have made my decision. I have decided to accept the bit of truth in her statement. I accept it as data and will consider it along with other data. In the meantime, I acknowledge our deep and valuable friendship. I decided that getting mad would be a waste of time for us both.

She’s still my friend and always will be. That’s what counts most. I think I made the right decision.

P.S.

During the trying times of the pandemic, families were stuck together. The rules kept changing along with the warnings. If you made any errors of judgment that need repentance, now’s the time to clear things up. Be kind.

[Show #227]

Haves and Have Nots

Backstory

In these months of constantly present hidden threat, optimism tends to wane, along with thankfulness. Reflecting on our state reminded me of an earlier time, when Americans were left without jobs and without income. This story is about that time for my family and what we learned.

Haves and Have Nots

“Be thankful for what you have, not for what you don’t have.” I first heard that mantra back in the 70’s. Be thankful for what you have, not for what you don’t have.

At the time, we were living in our first house. It was a nice three-bedroom split level in a residential development. But somehow after a few years, the house seemed small. We needed more garage space, more bedrooms. I wanted bigger, better.

Then the recession hit. Security became very wobbly. The things I had assumed I deserved and would always be mine were being challenged. I might not have a job. My husband might not. Oh boy, how I wish I had those hundreds of dollars we spent on last year’s vacation.

Suddenly I looked around my beautiful, perfect, plentiful home and said, “Please God – Just let us keep up the payments. Let us keep this roof over the heads of our children.”

Well, we did survive. The whole country did. Things turned around and we did eventually move on. But I never forgot the lesson I learned then. It may help you too.

Be thankful for what you have, not for what you don’t have.

P.S.

While sheltering in place during the pandemic, we have been thankful for thoughtful outreach, small and large. A team of walkers have a favorite route through our community. We sometimes glimpse them at wave distance. One day as they jogged through, they left candy and hand-written notes of blessing on porches. Gestures like that, especially from strangers, really make a difference. They remind us of the joy, friendship and kindness waiting on the other side.

[Show #108]

Be Aware

Backstory

My husband’s father was a very down-to-earth working man. While he might not correct your grammar or your manners, he did have certain demands of those he loved. He wanted you to be cautious. He felt that your life could depend on it.

Be Aware – #478

My father-in-law had a favorite lesson to impress on his kids and grandkids. Always be aware of your surroundings. He taught us to do that when walking from the building to a car. Be aware of who’s around, what cars are headed your way, what looks suspicious or what or who looks like they may need help.

He taught us to anticipate risks and eliminate them. A toddler in the kitchen could find himself in peril unless the room is made safe for a teetering little person.

Today we call it situational awareness. Police try to instill it in kids to keep them safe from predators. Older people use it to address obstacles that could cause a fall. On the job, situational awareness saves lives and limbs. A piece of equipment left in the way, a machine that Is not working right, an electric cord stretched across the walkway. They are all possible accident causes. They are so often overlooked and so easily relieved by anyone who is really paying attention.

Let’s all ratchet up our situational awareness. If it’s not right, let someone know or reach out and fix it. Consider it part of that business of, doing unto others as you want others to do unto you.

P.S.

Today, social media would surely top this dad’s cautions. New dangers keep popping up with the potential for dire consequences. Some protection can be purchased and some just require good common sense. As dad would have said, “Be aware!”

[Show #478]

« Previous Page